Our First Consultation

This past Monday was our first consultation with the RE!  So exciting/scary/promising!  It’s been a crazy week with the holidays coming up, so I’m little behind on updating on how everything went.  But here we go…

First of all, everyone at the clinic {so far} has been so incredibly nice.  I get it, it’s their job and they work in a very delicate specialty.  But when you feel like you’re carrying around as much baggage as I do, it’s nice for people to not make you feel like you’re a burden.  Even if it is their job.

Hubby and I woke up way too early and left our house at 5:30am to make the 2 hour drive to the clinic.  $3.00 in toll fees and 2 detours later, we arrived at the clinic at around 7:50.  They don’t open until 8:00, and our appointment wasn’t until 8:30.  So we took a little joyride and found a place to take a bathroom break.  By the time we got back they were just opening the doors.  Hubs opened the truck door and asked if I was ready.  I wasn’t.  And I was.  All at the same time.

We were met with chaotic smiles behind the front desk.  There was clearly a new person being trained, quite possibly her very first day, and then they explained to us that the credit card machine wouldn’t settle, so they were on the phone trying to sort that out, and Dr. P {who happened to be the doctor I was seeing} was terribly ill this morning.  The girl assured me that things weren’t usually like this as she handed me and the hubs some papers to fill out {and thanked me a million times for filling out our medical history on the patient portal…which by the way is pretty awesome}.  I work in a medical office.  I can totally understand walking into a crazy Monday that you didn’t expect.

After handing in our papers we waited less than 10 minutes before being called back.  The girl who called us back {whose name I didn’t catch…I’ll have to pay more attention next time!} was all smiles as she asked me to step up on the scale.  I’m glad she was smiling because I was not!  Then Smiley took us into an exam room and asked the basic questions.  I had already filled everything out on the Patient Portal ahead of time, so she was basically just verifying the information.  She took my blood pressure then Smiley asked me to smile as she snapped my photo with a digital camera.  Then Hubs had to smile at Smiley for his photo.  At my office we just scan your driver’s license, but hey, whatever works.

Smiley then began to explain that Dr. P was very sick today, but since we were new patients and came from out of state, he was going to go ahead and see us before he went home.  Then she lead the way into his office.  Right off the bat I liked Dr. P.  He’s very personable, straight forward, and has just the right amount of a sense of humor.  The poor guy looked about half dead, though!  When they said he was sick they weren’t kidding!  I felt horrible for him, but so grateful that he chose to stay and see us.

First things first, we went over my history, discussed all the avenues we’ve already taken.  We came to the conclusion that I’ve got a lot of things working against me and that I’m pretty textbook for PCOS, but he wanted to do a few tests to rule out anything that could be disguising itself as PCOS.  Dr. P said we were going to be very aggressive with the meds to get me ovulating, probably keeping with the letrozole for now and adding FSH injectables.  Getting me ovualting wasn’t his biggest concern though.

Recently I had some blood work done.  A lot of bloodwork.  Bloodwork that required so much blood that I passed out in the lab.  Dr. P was studying my results and then informed me that I am a carrier of a single copy of both Factor V Leiden mutation and the C677T MTHFR mutation.  If you’re unfamiliar with this, I suggest you consult The Google, because it will explain it much better than me.  The basics of it is, I have a clotting disorder.  And the fact that I carry both mutations and not just one is just icing on the cake.  After explaining this to me, Dr. P then began to ask me questions about my miscarriage.

How far along were you?  8 weeks.

Did you hear a heartbeat?  Yes.

Yes?  Yes.

Hmm.

I had been told that we were so early that there was really no way to tell what caused the miscarriage.  These things just happen sometimes.  1 in 4.  It was hard, but I had accepted it.  Dr. P informed me that he didn’t think this was the case at all.

In his professional opinion, he said that once you hear a good healthy heartbeat, there is usually a reason behind the miscarriage.  In my case, the clotting problem.  It decreases and cuts off the bloodflow to my uterus and to the placenta, effectively cutting off the blood flow to the baby.  There’s no way to know for sure, but Dr. P believes this is what happened to me at 8 weeks and 1 day.

I’m not gonna lie, that’s a tough pill to swallow.  To know that I had a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of me, and my body betrayed me, betrayed my baby.  To know that I could have a 7 month old son or daughter right now if I had just been taking a frickin’ baby aspirin?!  It’s hard to wrap my head around.

So, game plan.  Dr. P proposes that the day I get a positive pregnancy test I will immediately begin heparin or lovenox injections every day.  I started a baby aspirin everyday when I had this bloodwork done and I will continue to do this.  {I will likely be on an aspirin regimen for the rest of my life.}  He seems pretty confident that I will be able to carry a healthy pregnancy this way.  Now, about the getting pregnant part..

Like I said, we’ll most likely stick to the letrozole for now and add FSH injectables.  But all of this depends on the results of the bloodwork I’ve had done this week.  Dr. P said depending on what the results show will depend on how he treats me.  I also had to be checked for insulin resistance, since it usually goes hand in hand with PCOS.  We discussed the fact that I was put on Metformin before but it did nothing but make me race to the bathroom every 5 minutes, so he’s not sure if its actually an issue with me or not.  At least if it was it would help explain all the weight gain!

He said he usually likes to start out doing 3-5 cycles of IUI before he moves on to IVF.  Depending on how I respond to the meds will determine how many cycles we try.  I’m ok with that.

After we talked and the poor man finally got to go home to bed, we were sent to the lab to get some blood drawn.  They use a separate lab company, which is convenient because they have a lab a couple towns over from where we live, which happens to be in the same town that we both work in.  We went straight from the clinic to the lab in Tulsa {which was in a kind of shady location behind a grocery store} and since they wanted a karyotype test from both of us, the Hubs had to get stuck with a needle this time, too!  I enjoyed it a little too much, haha!  Then later this week I went to the local lab here to have my insulin resistance test.

We go back to see Dr. P on December 31st to discuss what the results were and how he plans to go about treating me.  He also talked about probably getting an ultrasound of my ovaries this visit or shortly after, as well.  Dr. L’s office sent a short novel to him, so he’s already got a lot of the info that he needs to start off with.

So far, thats all she wrote!  I’m excited for the 31st to get here and see what we’re going to do.  I’m anxious to get started.  I still haven’t started my period since my last cycle {November 8th} and I don’t like not being in a cycle.  After counting cycle days for 2 years its like a way of life!  Although, I can’t say that I’m excited to meet up with my old friend, Provera.  Ugh.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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My Top 5 Favorite Christmas Movies

This post is NOT about TTC.  Crazy, right?!  I figured I need some happy right now, so instead of moaning and groaning in another post, I’ve decided to write about something that makes me incredibly happy this time of year…my favorite Christmas movies!  So…here we go!

#5

You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?

You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?

Home Alone

I was around the age of 7 when this came out in 1990, and I wanted Kevin McAllister to be my best friend. He actually looked a lot like my cousin, who was the same age as me and who I grew up with.  The two of us would spend hours playing and trying to set up booby traps around the house, just wishing that our parents would accidently leave us at home alone.  I owned a Talkboy.  Yes, I was a fan.

#4

Never EVER feed him after midnight.

Never EVER feed him after midnight.

Gremlins

Ok.  Not your typical family Christmas classic, I’ll admit.  But I can’t help it.  I frickin’ LOVED this movie growing up.  I wanted a mogwai so bad it hurt!  Funny enough, the gremlins did not scare me.  It was that creepy bitch Mrs. Deagle!  Walking around with a decapitated snowman, riding that creepy contraption up the stairs.  I was glad to see her go.

#3

Why am I such a misfit?

Why am I such a misfit?

Here we a waffling

Here we go a waffling

Just put one foot in front of the other!

Just put one foot in front of the other!

Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer, A Claymation Christmas, Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town

This one is 3 fold.  Why?  Because they aren’t technically full length movies.  And because I couldn’t decided between them.  And because it’s my list and I can do what I want.  Let me just put this out there…I LOVE CLAYMATION.  I wish there was more claymation in the world.  It would make me fantastically happy.

Rudolph.  The story is as old as they come.  Everyone knows the song.  And in my opinion, every little kid should know who Hermey, Yukon Cornelious, and Bumble are.  And seriously, what a great story about being a misfit and not fitting in and not letting that stop you in anything you want to do.  You want to be a dentist and not an elf?  You go for it, Hermey.  Even though I’m 90% positive that “dentist” is code for “gay” in 1964.  Look at that fabulous swoopy hairdo.

Will Vinton’s A Claymation Christmas was a must-see at Christmas time in my house.  I would literally watch it over and over and over until my mother had to lock herself in the bathroom to get away from the neverending Christmas tunes.  The Carol of the Bells was my absolute favorite part.  Although I never giggled until now about Quasimodo being the conductor.  Quasimodo.  Bells.  Ha!

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town.  Another claymation classic!  Who doesn’t love a story of how Santa came to be?  And who knew he was a ginger?!  Plus, the fact that Santa started out as an outlaw makes him pretty badass. He was a rascal, that Kris Kringle.  No wonder Jessica fell for him!

#2

All aboard!

All aboard!

The Polar Express

I remember piling into the library every year in elementary school and having this read to us.  It was always the best day!  We got to wear pj’s and house shoes to school, we got snacks and tiny silver bells of our own.  Next to the Teddy Bear Picnic day in the library, this was always my favorite!  Funny enough, although this movie came out in 2004, when I was working my way through college in a VIDEO STORE no less, I only watched this movie for the first time last year.  I was home alone one night before Christmas, not sure where the hubby had gone off to, and it was on TV.  So I watched.  And my heart melted.  And I cried.  And cried.  And cried.  And cried even a little more.  I pretty much lost it when he talked about how his friends could no longer hear the bell.  It probably didn’t help that I was on an increased dosage of Clomid at the time.  Or the fact that it was my first Christmas after two failed pregnancies that year.  Despite all that, this movie still makes me SO happy.  I cannot wait to start a Polar Express Christmas tradition with my someday family.

#1

Don't you believe in Santa Claus?

Don’t you believe in Santa Claus?

Santa Claus The Movie

This movie is the reason I truly believed in Santa Claus.  There was not a doubt in my mind that the man in this film was the real deal.  I was certain of it.  Just look at him!  Have you ever seen a more perfect Santa?!  I fell in love with him and Mrs. Claus and the elves {Oh, Patch!} and the reindeer!  In my mind, this was the North Pole, no doubt about it.  To this day, my parents always come over to our house on Christmas Eve night to exchange gifts.  And this movie is always playing on the tv.  I can only  hope that someday my children will believe in this Santa just like I did.

So there’s my list!  There are so many more I could add, some I thought of while making this list!  But that’s all for now.  I’m interested to hear your favorite Christmas movies now!

Merry Christmas!

Another One Bites The Dust

Boo.

Boo.

Yep. That’s a negative pregnancy test. Taken by yours truly. Not that I really expected anything different. But I realized today was CD35 and AF is no where in sight. And how crazy would that have been, to have my appointment with the RE on Monday and to totally be pregnant this cycle. But nope. Not happening.

Let’s commence with the bitching, since that’s what I’ve been so good at lately. Shall we?

Yesterday a girl that I used to work with posted a vague status on facebook that went a little something like this: 12/12/12 has been the best day of my life since the day I married my wonderful husband! To which someone asks…why? To which she replies: Can’t tell yet ::smiley::  Now, I knew the moment I read it that she was pregnant. Someone had posted a little while ago that it was time for her have a baby, and she had said they’re working on it. If you’re trying to hide it, you’re not doing a very good job. Then 10 minutes later she posts a picture of her positive pregnancy test. Wow. Really waited a while before you told people, huh?

I just Do. Not. Understand. where these people get off announcing that they’re pregnant as soon as they get a positive test! You’re, what, five minutes pregnant?! Don’t you understand all the things that could happen in the next few weeks? Days? Hours? Just another example of how infertility has affected me. My brain. My emotions. I would never be so brave as to announce that I was pregnant the moment I took a test. I didn’t tell my parents that we were pregnant until we were 7 1/2 weeks and had heard a perfectly healthy heartbeat. And I miscarried four days later.

Ugh.

To top all this off, I walked in on a conversation between a few girls at work about how they’re so glad they had their kids young and that they had never planned to have kids once they were 30, because that was just waiting too long. Well, this 29 year old appreciates the fact that you think I’m out of time and should just give up now. Since I’m too old and all. Too bad I didn’t start trying when I was much younger. Oh, wait. I did. Bitches.

And that concludes another horribly negative post. Enjoy!

Yet ANOTHER Pregnancy Announcement

Really, Universe? REALLY???

Two weeks ago I posted about my cousin’s impromptu baby announcement on Thanksgiving.  Today, at my company Christmas party, I got another one.

It was shaping up to be a fantastic day.  Half a day in clinic, then down by the river for the party. Super cozy holiday atmospere.  Record player playing old Christmas tunes in the background. A traditional Christmas feast catered in, which turned out to be WAY better than the italian food we’d had for the last 3 years at these things.

So, we’re in the line for the food, served up all buffet style. I’m piling on some mashed potatoes when I hear one of the doctors I work for yell out, “Preggers is holding up the line!” Of course, my super sonic infertile radar goes up at the mention of the word ‘preggers’ and I’m glancing around like what the–

So yeah. THAT’S how I found out that yet ANOTHER girl that I work with is pregnant. AGAIN. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve had to suffer through 4 baby showers at work since we’ve been TTC. Well, this girl was one of them! When we started trying in October 2010, she announced shortly after that that she was pregnant with her second child. Yes, second. That means this one is her THIRD. THIRD! Um, selfish much?? I mean, the two girls that I’ve had to watch walk around the office being pregnant for the last nine months have both finally delivered. Now I’m in for another nine months of baby bumps being shoved in my face every day? Holy sweet baby Jesus.

I hate that this blog is basically one big long bitch fest one right after another, but REALLY?

I really hope I’m being set up for some HUGE payoff in the end. Because if not, eff you, Universe.