Beta, Part 2

So yesterday I had my second beta done.  Just a reminder that 6 days earlier my first beta was 118.  Yesterday it was 1836! Pretty happy with that number.  Grow, baby, grow!

This whole thing is pretty surreal.  Some days I’m not sure its really happening to me.  It always just seemed like this far off fantasy that I would never attain.  I’m still pretty obnoxiously paranoid.  My Hubby called me “Preggers” today {after buying me a ‘just because you’re pregnant with my baby’ gift (it was Silver Linings Playbook on Blu Ray)} and I nearly choked him, thinking he was going to jinx it or something.  Crazy, I know.  But I’m pretty familiar with Crazytown, anyway.

As far as feeling pregnant, I definitely do.  I’m exhausted. ALL. THE. TIME.  My job tends to wear me out anyway, but this past week I’ve hit the couch as soon as I get home.  I slept the weekend away.  I can’t get enough sleep.  And at night I’m more restless than I’ve ever been.  Normally I sleep like a rock.  Pretty much every single night for the past week I’m up at exactly 2am to use the bathroom.  Every night!

Still having some mild to moderate cramping at times.  It worries me when it happens, even though I know its normal and just my uterus expanding blah blah blah.  So then it worries me when it doesn’t happen for a while.  Go figure.

I haven’t experienced any real nausea.  Yet.  But there are times when I don’t have an appetite at all.  And absolutely NO food whatsoever is appealing.  I do notice I get a little queasy if I go a long time without eating.  Which is hard at those times when my appetite is non-existent.

Lightheadedness is here to stay for now.  It comes and goes throughout the day, and hasn’t been so extreme that I can’t function.  Just makes me feel a little silly at times.

And we can’t forget the swollen and sore boobies!  Yowza!  Poor hubby is so sad because I won’t let him anywhere near them anymore! 😉

We have our first ultrasound with the RE on May 13th.  We should be around-about 6 to 7 weeks along by then.  We’ll be looking to make sure everything is where it should be {baby, sac, etc.} and will be looking to see the heartbeat, though it may be a little too early to hear it.  Until then its just one day at a time.  Today I’m pregnant, tomorrow I hope I still am.

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Oh, Beta!

Tuesday was my beta and I was very happy to hear that it was 118! That sounds like a nice round starter number to me.

I was working at a satellite office about 45 minutes away from our main office when Hannah called me with the news. I was doing an exam on a patient when my cell rang  and I excused myself from the room. Hannah was super excited on the phone, and told me she knew I was at work but she just couldn’t wait to call and tell me. I can’t say how awesome it is that she was almost as genuinely excited as I was! My progesterone was 48, so it was going up as well. So far, so good.

I started my lovenox injections Wednesday, and let me just say…ouch! Much more intense than my follistim injections. But I think its because they have a slightly larger needle. I’m going to have a very bruised and sore belly by the time this is all over. But its going to be sooo worth it.

Monday I do a repeat of my beta and progesterone. Fingers crossed that my numbers are going up like they should be. I know this should be a super happy time, but I’m almost too paranoid to be happy.

Before I end this post, I want to say thank you for the congrats from each and every one of you. It really warms my heart to have you all rooting for me. I know what the last 2 1/2 years has done to me emotionally, and I know from experience its never easy to see someone else get that BFP that you’ve been waiting so long for (even if it is a little different if its one of ‘us’ and not one of ‘them’ 🙂 ). I’m going to be throwing that baby dust at all of y’all by the truck loads!!!

Thanks again! Fingers crossed for more good numbers!

Two Pink Lines

 

I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to make this post. I wasn’t entirely sure how to make this post. I’m still having a hard time accepting that its real.

Yesterday morning on April 20, 2013 at around 9:20am I peed on a stick. The results are as follows:

 

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I was in complete and utter shock. At some point during this whole process you begin to expect the BFN’s, and you never ever ever ever expect to see a BFP. EVER.

The first words out of my mouth were, “Holy motherf%$!#*^ s&#t!” Classy. I know. Then at approximately 9:24am I texted the pic to my husband, since he was at work and there was no way I could sit on this information by myself all friggin’ day. That convo went a little like this:

Me: Guess what?

Hubs: What

Me: {sends pic}

Hubs: 🙂 🙂 🙂

It was fun. And cute. And I hated to do it in a text but there was no way I could be the only one that knew.

We had our small moment of celebration yesterday, then the realness of everything kicked in and we got serious. Hubby admitted he was very nervous and he hoped that nothing bad happened this time. I share his feelings deeply, possibly times 100. Although I’m paranoid, I’m not getting too worked up about anything until my Beta comes back on Tuesday. I should start the blood thinners {because of my clotting disorder that they think caused my last m/c} shortly after the Beta comes back. Until then, I’ve doubled up on my baby aspirin everyday. Probably doesn’t make a difference, but it makes me feel better.

Here’s what I expect to happen in the weeks to come. As far as protocol goes, if my beta comes back positive then we do a repeat of it and my progesterone within the week. At that point if the numbers are good, we will schedule an ultrasound for approximately 7 weeks gestation, which would be at about a month from now, depending on how my RE’s office counts I guess. Any of this could change, depending on my specific circumstances, I suppose.

Until then, I’m pretty sure my husband wants to wrap me in bubble wrap. He’s already mentioned that he doesn’t want me going to a concert that I have tickets to in June. And he wants to cancel this coming weekend’s plans we had to go to a nearby piano bar for his birthday. “Too loud and too much jostling around,” he says.  Haha…should be a fun several months! 😉

Now all I’m going to concentrate on is my beta on Tuesday and hoping the numbers are great 🙂 I’m having a hard time deciding what to do about work. The girls have been asking me for the last week if I am or if I’m not. All I keep saying is we won’t know for a while longer. I guess I could lie and say I’m not. But, due to the nature of my job, I have to tell my supervisor and my nursing supervisor in surgery. I had planned all along to tell only the girls in my department first, and the entire clinic when we were in the “safe zone” {does that really exist for people like us??}. But the question is, how soon should I tell my department?? And I’m not sure if my supervisor is obligated to tell the doctors that I am or not. It’s going to be hard to remember who is supposed to know and who isn’t. For right now I’m sitting on it until I can decide what to do.

Alright then. I’m gonna continue to be cautiously happy and keep trying to convince myself that this is actually real. The beta will help make things seem more solid. Until then…

 

{ps: to my dear friend M, who is the only person from my real life who knows about this blog, remember this is top secret information! 😉 Love you!}

Only CD23???

Let me tell ya. This whole cycle has been just…weird. It is ridiculous to me that I’m only on CD23. How can that be?? It seems crazy that I could be getting my BFP {or BFN} any day now. Especially since here lately I don’t usually expect AF until CD33-35.  I’m trying to take all this as a good sign. My mature follicles ready on CD12. Actually ovulating like a normal person on CD14 {with the help of a trigger, of course}. I know that all that really matters is how many dpo you are, but its still so strange to me since I don’t even usually start peeing on a stick until CD28 or so and my beta is scheduled on CD27! Just hard to wrap my head around. Hmph.

On another note…

Still cramping. Almost like AF could show up any day now. Which again, throws me off since I wouldn’t normally be expecting her for another 10 days or so. My boobies are still sore. I know there’s no way the trigger is still in my system, and they aren’t near as sore as they were after I first triggered. But still pretty tender. Which is normal to me at this point, except I usually chalk it up to the progesterone. Except this cycle I’m not taking progesterone. Because my numbers were phenomenal. Again. Weirdness.

But we’re not jumping to any conclusions here. There’s probably a logical explanation for all of this. There always is, right? Regardless, I bought a box of 3 First Response today. One for tomorrow, one for Sunday, and one for Monday. I still have some Wondfo’s in there, but I’m not completely sure that I trust them at this point. Hubby asked last night if it was time to take a test yet or not, which surprised me since he’s usually pretty quiet about everything until I let him in on what’s going on. Good to know I’m not the only one thinking and stressing about it this time haha 😉

*sigh* I try really hard, and it may not seem like it, but I can’t help but have a pretty positive outlook on this cycle. It’s always dangerous to think that way. Usually if I have a feeling one way or another it ends up being a big slap in the face. But I can’t help but think that if it was ever going to happen, it has to be now, this cycle. Everything has just been too….perfect.

If anybody needs me I’ll just be over here…waiting for this other shoe to drop.

7dpiui….and counting.

This is going to be a quick post.

I’m 7dpiui today and 9dp trigger. I had some mild cramping yesterday that slipped over into today along with a very full feeling and just plain not feeling too hot this afternoon at work. My progesterone level on Monday was 21, which is actually crazy high tor me, almost twice what it usually is. I’m trying not to read too much into such a beautiful number, but I will say I’m happy that I get to skip the progesterone suppositories…at least for now.

Does any of this mean anything? Who the heck knows. As usual its way too early to tell and my TWW is dragging by so slow it might as well be going backwards.

As you can see I’m still trying to manage my expectations carefully. But I do want to say thank you for all the encouraging IUI stories 🙂

That’s all for now. Goodnight all!

And We Wait…

First, thanks for all the good luck wishes! I really appreciate it 🙂

IUI went well on Wednesday. It was a long looong day. Hubby and I left home at 5:30am and drove through storms for 2 1/2 hours to get to his appointment at 8am. After he made the ‘deposit’ we had to find something to do for an hour and a half before it was time for my appointment. Let me tell ya, I don’t care how big a city it is…there’s not too much to do at 8 in the morning in the middle of a thunderstorm.  We finally made it back to the clinic at 9:30 for my appointment time, at which time we found out we had previously overpaid and had a credit on our account so we had to pay zero dollars for the IUI {what?!}. It wasn’t too long after that until I was taken back to an exam room.

Naked from the waist down and feet in the stirrups and we were soon on our way. The nurse confirmed Hubby’s name and social with that on the syringe full of his little swimmers, and then informed us that he had provided us with a whopping 107 million little guys to inseminate into my uterus. Way to go, hubby! 😉  {I later threatened Hubby, saying that out of 107 million, at least one of them should know what to do, right?!}

I must say, Dr. P is very quick and very good at what he does. I heard him say I’d feel a little cramp, and I kept bracing myself for it, but before I could feel anything at all he was up and patting me on the shoulder telling me he had his fingers crossed for me. How could he be done so fast?! And just like that, the Two Week Wait began.

The egg timer finally went off, I got up and dressed, and we were out the door to head home. I only had some mild cramping the rest of the day, mostly a big pressure feeling in my uterus area. We stopped to eat and swung by the grocery store on the way home. We finally made it home at 2:30pm. By 2:35 I was asleep on the couch. I was exhausted!

So, here’s what we know:

-I had 2 very large fully grown mature follicles on my right ovary.

-107 million sperm now occupy my uterus.

I’m not exactly sure where that puts my odds of conceiving this cycle, but I’m choosing to be cautiously optimistic while majorly keeping a reality check on my expectations. Truth is, I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard of an IUI success story. I’m sure it happens, but I’m usually reading about the ones that didn’t.

Oh, well. No use dwelling on it. We’ll all know in eleven days one way or another. 🙂

Twins?

Twin follicles, that is.

Today was my midcycle ultrasound, and I must say, as surprised as I was to see the two big fat mature follicles sitting on my right ovary, it was nothing compared to my husband’s face turning white as a sheet when Hannah looked up and said, “Looks like a perfect setup for twins!”

Ha 🙂 I’m not banking on twins, but I’ll accept that it is a possibility. In light of the two beautiful follicles we’ve decided to go ahead with the IUI this week. I triggered at 10pm tonight and we go in first thing Wednesday morning to do the deed. Just hoping that one (or both!) of these follicles work out!

Time for bed for me now! Had to stay up way past my bedtime to trigger tonight 😉 Night!

Still A Bad Blogger…

I’ve been horrible at updating lately. To be fair, there’s not too much to update on.

Beta was a BFN, which I expected since I compulsively tested the entire weekend before.  I’m back on CD10 today, this will be my 3rd day of Follistim, and I go to the RE on Monday, CD12, for my midcycle ultrasound.  We are hoping to do IUI this cycle, as long as everything looks good and I am ovulating on the right ovary.  If everything goes along like my last two cycles, I’m anticipating the IUI to happen on either Friday or Saturday.  But that’s going to be a wait and see what happens deal.

I have been in a horrible mood this last week or so.  Cranky. Bitchy, even. So irritable it hurts at times. And EXHAUSTED, oh my gosh, soooo exhausted.  I got home from work yesterday, fed the dog, cooked supper, and laid down on the couch (my BRAND NEW couch, might I add, because we got new furniture last weekend! Yay!) at around 8:45pm.  I fell asleep. Hubby left me there and went to bed. He woke me up at 4am when he got up for work. I got off the couch and crawled into our bed. I did not get back out of bed until 10am. I just can’t believe I slept for 13 hours, almost 14.  But I’ve been so friggin’ tired this week!! I’m blaming it on the meds.  I blame everything on the meds these days it seems.

I haven’t been the nicest person to my husband these last two or three days (which might be the reason he left me on the couch last night…HA!), and considering, he’s dealt with it well.  I know I haven’t been the easiest person to live with the last 2 years, and he’s made it look easy somehow.  I really do love him for that.  I know that a lot of relationships and marriages would not have survived what we have been faced with.  I know a lot of marriages who didn’t survive and weren’t faced with anything like this.  So I have to give my hubby props.  I love him for loving me through all this.

Ok. I’ll try to be less horrible at updating this week.  Right now I have a book with my name on it that I’ve been too tired to read all week! I’m finishing it TODAY. 🙂

Happy Saturday!