Baby Nugget – 9 Weeks

Holy cow.  NINE WEEKS?!  I have so, SO far to go, but it still seems like I’ve come a long way!  I’ve noticed its getting easier to be happy and excited about everything.  The paranoia is still there, of course.  I still check the toilet paper every time I use the restroom.  But I’m getting excited.  I’m excited to be getting closer to a time when we can tell people.  I’m just excited, in general I guess.  Paranoid but excited.  Ok, on with the 9 week update!

 

Baby is the size of a medium green olive!  She’s gaining steam.  At week nine, your fetus measures around .09 inches and weighs about .07 ounces.  She’s also developing more distinct facial features.  And her heartbeat is getting stronger!  Also, baby is now a fetus!  Baby was considered an embryo — but now she’s a fetus!  During the embryonic period, cells begin to take on different functions.  The brain, heart, lungs, internal organs, and arms and legs begin to form.  Once baby is a fetus, it’s more about growth and development to prep for life on the outside.  Happy graduation day baby!

How far along?  9 weeks

Total weight gain:  Not sure this week.  I forgot to weigh this morning, and I don’t like to weigh in the afternoon.  I may edit if I can remember to weigh tomorrow morning!

Maternity clothes? Nope.  But love me some yoga pants!

Stretch marks?  No new ones. Ha!

Sleep:  Can’t get enough of it!  I’ve been a little restless at night this week.  I wake up really hot and have to turn the AC down to frostbite level.

Best moment this week:  Nothing special this week.  Had a great lazy 3 day weekend with the hubs.

Miss Anything? Not really.

Movement:  Not for a long while I imagine.

Food cravings:  Peach Crush Soda.  There’s a 12 pack in my fridge right now.  Its caffeine free, but its pretty packed with sugar…but its SO good!

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Anything and everything.  Riding in the car for long periods of time.  If something is moving a lot on the TV screen.  The smell of almost anything cooking.

Gender prediction: No strong feelings one way or the other. As long as its healthy, I’m happy!

Labor Signs:  No, thank you.

Symptoms:  Fatigue, sore boobs, morning sickness/afternoon sickness/evening sickness….basically ALL DAY SICKNESS, bloat, occasional lightheadedness, and most things smell TERRIBLE.  Here’s a new one… Tuesday my hand started hurting out of the blue from my thumb down to my wrist.  It was weird, and it didn’t subside.  So I did a little googling, thinking it was impossible for me to have a sudden case of carpal tunnel.  What I found was tendonitis, the description matched my symptoms perfectly.  What I also found, but wasn’t looking for, was that it was common to appear during pregnancy.  What?! I never would’ve linked the two together if google hadn’t told me it was true.  So I’ve been doing hot/cold compresses and wrapping my hand at night to stabilize my thumb and that seems to be helping a little.  So there’s my new weird symptom for the week!

Belly Button in or out?  In.  I have a pretty chunky belly, so I imagine it’ll stay.

Wedding rings on or off?  They fit.

Happy or Moody most of the time:  I am happy, and starting to get excited!

Looking forward to:  Our next ultrasound on the 3rd!

Baby Nugget – 8 Weeks

Time to update I guess!  Hubby and I traveled the 2 hours to the RE yesterday for my second ultrasound.  I was feeling a little skiddish about it because I had a tiny scare the night before.  {TMI Time!!!}  I had a weird mucus-y discharge thing happening, and for a moment it felt like I might have been bleeding.  You know the feeling.  When I went to the bathroom it was just clearish mucus type stuff, but it still scared me because I was sure it was leading the way for something else.  Luckily, Dr. P assured me it was perfectly normal and due to my increased hormones and to expect more of it throughout the pregnancy.  As long as its normal, I’m ok with that!  Baby Nugget was looking good on the ultrasound, nearly doubling in size since last week when we saw it.  We should have been measuring 7w6d, but only measured 7w4d.  Dr. P again was not concerned.  He said at this early stage with measuring, the tiniest bit off could result in a days difference, and you have to take things into consideration like the angle and view and basic human error.  So he’s not worried, so I’m not worried.  Heartbeat was thumping along at 166bpm and so far everything is looking good!  We go back on June 3rd for another ultrasound and it can’t get here soon enough!  Ok, let’s get on with my week 8 update!

Baby is the size of a raspberry!  Now he weighs in (yay!) at about .04 ounces and measures about .63 inches.  This week, he’s growing about a millimeter each day.  You can’t feel it yet, but by eight weeks, your baby is moving those arms and legs like crazy!  Here’s a fun fact:  His taste buds are now forming.

How far along?  8 weeks

Total weight gain:  -2 lbs  {I’m not trying to lose weight at all right now…I’m chalking this up to morning sickness and loss of appetite!}

Maternity clothes? Nope.  Although I’m glad I wear scrubs everyday.  Yoga pants are my favorite things to wear at home!

Stretch marks?  No new ones. Ha!

Sleep:  Can’t get enough of it!

Best moment this week:  Getting to see Baby Nugget on the ultrasound again and hear that sweet heartbeat!  And also, I passed my certification exam Tuesday, with morning sickness and all!

Miss Anything?  I miss not feeling so bad all the time.  Although I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world right now.

Movement:  Not for a long while I imagine.

Food cravings:  This is going to be disgusting, but McDonald’s cheeseburgers.  I hate McDonald’s.  But we were in a hurry the other day and I needed to eat something, and I swear it was the most delicious cheeseburger I had ever eaten.  This disturbs me.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  They are redoing the floors at work {pulling up carpet and laying down hardwood floor lamanent} and the smell of the glue made me incredibly sick Monday.  I threw up for the first time with this pregnancy at work that day.  Three times.

Gender prediction: No strong feelings one way or the other. As long as its healthy, I’m happy!

Labor Signs:  No, thank you.

Symptoms:  Fatigue, sore boobs, morning sickness/afternoon sickness/evening sickness….basically ALL DAY SICKNESS, bloat, occasional lightheadedness, and most things smell TERRIBLE.  That weird mucus-y discharge is new.  And I think I might be having some round ligament pain already, although I think its a little early for that.  But the pain goes down into my groin area on my right side, right in the crease of my upper thigh.  I don’t know what else it could be.

Belly Button in or out?  In.  I have a pretty chunky belly, so I imagine it’ll stay.

Wedding rings on or off?  Off, but not because they don’t fit.  I don’t wear them to work because of wearing gloves and washing my hands all day and taking them off and on all the time.  It’s just easier to keep them at home so they don’t get lost.  So, on, but on the weekends. :)

Happy or Moody most of the time:  I am happy, mostly.  I get cranky and moody at work because I’m tired and don’t feel good.

Looking forward to:  Our next ultrasound on the 3rd!  And a long 3 day weekend!

Ok, here’s a couple more old wives’ tale gender predictions… First, we’re looking to the Mayans for help!

Mayan Gender Prediction — The Mayans also had a method of determining gender.  According to them, if the mother’s age at conception and the year of conception are both even or odd, then the baby will be a girl.  If they are opposites, then the baby is a boy.  My age at conception was 29 and the year was 2013, so the Mayans say that Baby Nugget is a little GIRL! Maybe the Mayans are better at predicting gender than predicting the end of the world?

Next up….has your skin been dry??
Pass the LotionIf a pregnant woman’s hands are dry, then she is carrying a boy.  My hands have been INCREDIBLY dry!!! So dry that I’ve got patches of raw skin on a couple of my knuckles from scratching so much.  I’ve never had this much dry skin in my life.  Old Wives say Baby Nugget is a BOY!
So far, this is what the Old Wives have tallied up:
2 votes GIRL
1 vote BOY

Huge Mistake

Ok.  This post is going to be strange.  And it’s going to demonstrate just how much the grief of my miscarriage caused me to lose my mind.  Seriously.

Today has been a pretty good day.  I cleaned a little house.  Watched a little TV.  I’ve been studying for my 3 hour certification exam I have to take Tuesday morning for work.  I’m feeling a little tired, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Just some major indigestion happening from my bowl of cereal this morning.  All in a all a good day.

For some reason while I was cleaning house today, I decided to look at our ultrasound from our first pregnancy.  I stuck it in a book when everything happened and I’m not sure that I’ve looked at it since.  I’m not sure why I wanted to look at it.  I wasn’t feeling sad or down or having any bad feelings about my current pregnancy.  I actually feel good about it.  Maybe that’s why I felt it was ok to look at it now.  To take another look at the baby that could have been while I’m happily carrying it’s brother or sister.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s a crazy pregnant lady hormone thing.  All I know is without hesitation I opened the book and found the scan.

This is where it gets weird.

All this time, for the past 18 months, I’ve been under the impression that I miscarried at 8 weeks 1 day.  That’s what I told people when it happened.  That’s what I tell people now if it comes up.  That’s what I’ve written in this blog.  The scan that I looked at today was taken just 4 days before I started bleeding.  It was done on a Monday, and the bleeding started on Friday.  After taking a look at the scan today, I noticed that on the day of the scan, the baby actually measured 8w6d.   …….WHAT?!

I mean, seriously, my mind is completely blown.  8w6d.  That means that I was well past the 8w1d mark that I’ve been making myself sick about.  And that means that I actually miscarried at 9w3d.  I don’t even know what to say or think about it.  I am floored.  All this time I never thought that I had made it to 9 weeks before, and in all actuality, I was well into my 10th week.  I don’t know why that makes such a difference to me but I just can’t wrap my mind around it.

So where did the 8w1d assumption come from??  I know I didn’t make it up.  I do remember Dr. L saying those words to me.  And now that I’m not torn apart with grief about it, I can logically recall what the conversation was about.  I was heartbroken, in that dark doctor’s office.  I was crying beyond control.  Dr. L was hugging me and consoling me, and trying to explain the details to me as best he could.  I know he said the words 8 weeks 1 day.  I know he did.  Except now I know that’s not the day I miscarried.  No.  That’s what the baby measured that day on the ultrasound.  He measured 8 weeks 1 day, when four days earlier he had measured 8 weeks 6 days.  This, coupled with the fact that there was no heartbeat, was obvious proof that I was miscarrying.  That I had likely been miscarrying for a day or two now.  It’s crazy, but it makes sense now.

Apparently I was so torn apart by the grief that I clung to those words, 8 weeks 1 day, and that’s what I stuck with.

So what does that have anything to do with now?  Well, pretty much nothing.  It changes nothing.  Except for the fact that my baby fought longer that I thought he did to live, even though my body was betraying him and me.  It means that my big hurdle of 8w1d has now been pushed more than a week out to 9w3d.

The moral of the story?  Don’t underestimate the power of grief.  It can make you lose your mind.

Baby Nugget – 7 Weeks

{This is a VERY pregnancy related post!}

Ok.  A friend of mine who struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss for a while longer than I started doing weekly updates when she got pregnant through IVF in December.  I thought it was kinda neat, but was hesitant to do so because I’m always afraid I’m jumping the gun and going to jinx something.  This particular friend {who also happened to be my amazing hair dresser before her pregnancy and bed rest…my hair misses her!}  started her updates at 5 weeks, even though she had previously experienced a pregnancy loss at 17 weeks.  She is now 25 weeks along with a healthy baby girl.  I figure that if she can suck it up and enjoy her precious time with her baby even after all she went through, I guess I can too.  So I’m starting at 7 weeks, which would’ve been 2 days ago on Thursday.  I’m going to try to update every Thursday from here on out, but we’ll see how it goes…;)

Baby is the size of a blueberry!  Your .51-inch embryo doesn’t exactly tip the scales just yet, but she’s developing like crazy.  She’s already doubled in size since last week.  And at week seven, baby’s arms and leg joints are now forming, and her brain and heart are becoming more complex.
How far along?  7 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain:  -1.5 lbs  {I’m not trying to lose weight at all right now…I’m chalking this up to morning sickness and loss of appetite!}

Maternity clothes? Nope.  My daily wardrobe consists of scrubs.  Most of my scrub pants fit me pretty loosely because I like for them to be comfortable throughout my work day.  I did notice this week that some of my scrub pants are fitting a little better around the waist.

Stretch marks?  No new ones. Ha!

Sleep:  Can’t get enough of it!

Best moment this week:  Getting to see Baby Nugget on the ultrasound Monday 🙂

Miss Anything?  Sushi.  The girls at work go for sushi for lunch every pay day.  Just the thought of it makes me gag now.

Movement:  Not for a long while I imagine.

Food cravings:  Not really.  Although sour candy tends to ease the nausea a bit.  And Apple Juice tastes unusually amazing this week.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  The smell of ground beef cooking.  Bleh.

Gender prediction: No strong feelings one way or the other.

Labor Signs:  No, thank you.

Symptoms:  Fatigue, sore boobs, nausea, bloat, occasional lightheadedness, and most things smell TERRIBLE.

Belly Button in or out?  In.  I have a pretty chunky belly, so I imagine it’ll stay in quite a while.

Wedding rings on or off?  Off, but not because they don’t fit.  I don’t wear them to work because of wearing gloves and washing my hands all day and taking them off and on all the time.  It’s just easier to keep them at home so they don’t get lost.  So, on, but on the weekends. 🙂

Happy or Moody most of the time:  I am happy, mostly.  I get cranky and moody at work because I’m tired and don’t feel good.

Looking forward to:  Our next ultrasound on Wednesday! Can’t wait to hear that little heartbeat again!

Alright!  Another thing my friend blogs is a weekly gender prediction, based on old wives’ tales!  It seemed pretty fun, so I may try to throw that in there, too! 🙂  Here’s what’s up first…

Ancient Chinese Birth Chart

This one got a little confusing for me.  I found a lot of charts online where you simply found the age that you were when you conceived {for me, 29} and the month in which you conceived {for me, April}.  Based on all of those, Baby Nugget is a girl!  But, not so fast! When I was consulting the Google, I also found that some believe the chart wasn’t accurate unless you converted the numbers to the lunar age and lunar month.  I found a few different websites that automatically converted it for you, and I got a lot of different results from each one.  Some of them predicted Baby Nugget a boy, others stuck with the girl.  The one I’m posting below is from babycenter.com.  I even got mix-matched results from it, as well.  If I put in my due date, its says GIRL.  If I put in my conception date {using the day of the IUI}, it says BOY.  The one I’m posting is using my due date, based on what Baby Nugget was measuring at our ultrasound.

Predict Your Baby’s Sex

The Chinese chart says you’re having a girl!
 
We converted the dates for you: Your Chinese lunar age at pregnancy was 32 and the Chinese lunar month in which you conceived was September. Find the place on the chart where these values meet – it reveals your baby’s sex!
Remember, this tool has a 50-50 chance of being right (and it’s just for fun). If you’re pregnant and really want to know whether you’re having a boy or a girl, talk to your doctor about getting a mid-pregnancy ultrasound.
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So, there we have it.  I still don’t understand the lunar age/lunar month business, but based on baby’s measurements the first prediction is GIRL!  We’ll see what next week has to say about that! 😉

{PS: A lot of my blogger friends have been blessed with BFP’s recently!  Feel free to steal these ideas from me if you want! I stole them from someone else, afterall 😉 }

6w4d

That’s what the ultrasound said on Monday when we went to the RE’s office for our first scan.  I was incredibly nervous and terrified about what we might find at this visit.  Fortunately, all we saw was a beautiful little blob measuring 6w4d with a thump-thump-thumping heartbeat of 120bpm. {Side note: This number worried me a little, I felt it might be a little low. But Dr. P said everything looked good to him, so I’m forcing negative thoughts away and believing in the power of positive thinking…at least I’m trying!}

Here’s one of the first photos of our little nugget:

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Beautiful, isn’t it? 🙂

That puts me at 7 weeks exactly today.  Dr. P wants to see us back next week for another scan to make sure everything is coming along.  So far, the lovenox is doing what it’s supposed to.  Our appointment is on Wednesday, which will put us at 7w6d.  I’m anxious to get through next week.  8w1d is the hurdle I need to get past.  I know I’ll still have a long way to go after that, but it’s like this looming hill that is taking me forever to get to the top of.  It falls on next Friday.  Which is weird, because last time it was also on a Friday.  That dreadful, horrible Friday.  I just need to fast forward.  In the meantime, I’m gonna try not to dwell on the fact that I can’t move time, nor can I change the future, whatever may happen in it.

In other news, morning sickness is now in FULL SWING!  It hit on Sunday and it hit hard.  And it’s all day everyday.  Our two hour car ride to the RE’s office on Monday was HORRIBLE.  Hubby had to pull over a few times.  I’m not throwing up at all, but the nausea stops me dead in my tracks.  Between that and being so extremely exhausted I literally feel like I have the flu.  Dr. P was thrilled to hear that I felt like crap, though! 😉  That’s a good sign, so I am happy to have it, nausea and all.

The morning sickness has made it difficult at work.  Like I’ve said before, I have a pretty physical job.  And our clinic is very busy and fast paced.  And its been hard to keep up the way I’m used to.  My body just can’t go at the rate that I’m used to going.  And its hard to hide from all my coworkers how terrible I’m actually feeling. I’m really not ready to go public yet, but at this rate it may be best for me {and nugget!} to make an announcement soon.  At work at least.  Plus, my supervisor informed me this week that she was going to have to let the doctors and other managers know pretty soon whether I tell everyone else or not.  The more people that find out, the more likely it is to leak.  And I’d rather tell people my own way.  I’m still not touching facebook with a ten foot pole.

As far as family goes, Hubby wanted to tell our parents after our ultrasound appointment Monday.  I’m still skiddish about it.  But he really really wanted to tell someone.  He argued that I got to tell my friend, M, and my boss at work {which I argued didn’t count} and he hadn’t got to tell anyone yet.  I felt bad.  He’s so excited.  And I know he’s scared to, but its too cute how anxious he is to brag about our little secret.  So I gave in and said we could tell our parents.  We still aren’t telling the rest of our families, though.  And so far, we’ve only told his mom and dad.  We’ll probably get around to telling my parents this weekend.

I guess that’s all for now!  I’ll try to be better at updating more, but between the nausea and exhaustion I can’t make any promises 😉

Crybaby.

Well, I had my first pregnancy-hormonal-breakdown at work today.  {This is a pregnancy related AND a bitch about work related post. Read if you want, skip if you don’t 🙂 }

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I work in surgery.  It’s a very fast paced environment, because we’re doing cataracts and the turnover rate is about 10 minutes.  Our anesthesiologist is a mess.  A good guy, yes.  A great doctor, yes.  But a completely and totally unaware of anything that’s happening around him mess.  And today he got behind and couldn’t keep up.  Because he’s too busy being a mess and talking to the last patient about his favorite spots to go fishing than actually moving on to the next patient and keeping things rolling.  Our surgeon, who is one of the doctors I work for in clinic also, likes for things to move quickly and smoothly.  Sometimes the anesthesia guys makes it a little difficult.  Today he got behind and overlooked some things, like a giant neon pink sticky note attached to the front of a patient’s chart telling him that the guy’s blood pressure was high.  Then he was upset and decided the reason he was behind was because “things weren’t getting communicated to him.”  Um, giant neon pink sticky note, anyone?  So then he started getting snippy and short.  Which I don’t like.  And then he roughly snatched a chart out of my hands.  And I about came unglued.

I was livid.  I’m finding out I might not have the right personality to work for a doctor.  I have no patience for disrespect.  I don’t care who you are.  I’m there to do a job, not be a doormat.  And while I will show my doctors the respect they deserve, I absolutely will not be made into a punching bag simply because you’re having a rough day and have no one else to blame it on but yourself.  I see nurses roll over and look the other way when shit like that happens, and its ridiculous.  There is a very fine line between a boss/employee relationship and just flat out disrespecting someone because you have an MD behind your name and you feel like throwing a temper tantrum.

By the end of the day I was a force to be reckoned with.  I was pissed and everyone there knew it {besides Dr. Anesthesia, because he’s completely and totally unaware}.  After surgery I went into my nursing director’s office to vent {she is one of the people at work who knows I’m pregnant} and she basically asked if it was my hormones making me upset.  Um, no.  I mean, sure, it probably doesn’t help, but I’m pissed because I don’t like being treated like shit.  So I start crying.  Because I’m hormonal.  And sometimes I cry when I’m mad anyway.  It was stupid and I hated myself for it, but it is what it is.  Then, out of nowhere, Dr. Anesthesia bursts through the freakin’ closed door without even knocking {because he’s totally unaware} while I’m sitting there in tears.  He says, “Oh, didn’t mean to interrupt,” then goes on to talk to her about whatever it was he came in to talk about.  Then he looks at me and asks if I’m ok.  Oh. MY. GOD.  “Bad day,” was all I managed to mutter without jumping on him and strangling him.  Then, he patted me on the back and said it was a bad day for him, too, but that I did a good job and he wouldn’t have changed a thing that I did.  Oh, fuck you, guy.  {pardon my language, but GEEZ.}

Arrrrgh.  I let myself get way too upset and way too stressed out today.  I don’t need that.  My uterus doesn’t need that.  The little person that I’m growing, who I’ve yet to come up with a nickname for because I’m too afraid to jinx it, doesn’t need that.

As far as other things, so far so good.  According to my calculations {the due date calculator on the babycenter website} I was 6 weeks yesterday.  Still VERY exhausted, but finally sleeping better at night, thank God.  Still having bouts of dizziness and lightheadedness.  And I think morning sickness has found me this week.  No throwing up, but I definitely feel nauseated from time to time throughout the day.

Our first ultrasound is on Monday and I am anxious, excited, and terrified about it.  If everything looks ok, Hubby wants to go ahead and tell our parents.  We’ll wait until we’re farther along to tell the rest of the family, and who knows if I’ll ever feel confident enough to announce it to the world of facebook.  The more people who know, the scarier it gets.  I want to tell the people at work soon, not for the sake of telling them, but because it may make life easier at work for me.  My job is pretty physical and high stress at times.  My husband asks me every few days if I’m taking it easy at work.  I’m not really sure how to take it easy at work.  But maybe if people knew, it would be a little easier to take it easy at work.

Ok.  I’m done.

Nightmares and Restless Nights

For the past week I’ve not been able to sleep at night for the life of me.  I don’t get it.  I’m absolutely exhausted when I get home.  I can barely keep my eyes open through dinner.  But then its bedtime and all I can do is toss and turn and toss and turn and get up to pee and toss and turn.

Last night I was up about a half a dozen times.  To go to the bathroom.  To get a drink.  To turn the air conditioner on because I was blazing hot.  Then hubby’s alarm went off and he got up to get ready for work at about 4 am.  I got up, too, because of course I had to use the bathroom.  Hubs was using our bathroom to get ready for work so I snuck into our spare room and used the toilet in the little half bath we have in there.  It’s basically a tiny closet with a toilet and a sink… you can barely close the door without it touching your knees while you’re sitting on the throne.  When I was done I crawled back into bed, sprawled out into the middle of it, stole my hubby’s pillows, and finally fell asleep for an hour and 15 minutes before my alarm went off.

In that short amount of time I had a horrible nightmare.  One that I hope to never ever ever have again.  In it, I got up to use the bathroom in the tiny little half bath, just like I did earlier that morning.  Except this time, when I was done, there was bright red blood everywhere.  I panicked.  I franticly tried to clean myself up, going off the logic that if I could get rid of the blood then nothing had happened, until I finally collapsed into the floor and banged my head against the wall, wondering how in the hell this was happening to me again.

Of course I was still panicked when I woke up.  And had to check a thousand times to make sure it was a dream.  Thankfully it was.  Nothing gone awry.  Yet.

I’m trying to keep positive thinking going, and not dwell on what might or might not happen.  But obviously  my subconscious knows I’m worried.  There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to have a healthy pregnancy.  If the cause of my last miscarriage was in fact the Factor V Leiden and MTHFR mutations, then the Lovenox and baby aspirin should be taking care of it.  The week before I miscarried last time I had this strange feeling.  Almost like I knew it was going to happen.  Maybe your body can sense things like that without you actually knowing it. I don’t know.  But I’ve had nothing but good feelings and good vibes since the beginning of this pregnancy, and even before I knew.  So I’m hoping that means everything is gonna be alright.  At least for now.

Here’s hoping for a dreamless, restful night tonight!