Nightmares and Restless Nights

For the past week I’ve not been able to sleep at night for the life of me.  I don’t get it.  I’m absolutely exhausted when I get home.  I can barely keep my eyes open through dinner.  But then its bedtime and all I can do is toss and turn and toss and turn and get up to pee and toss and turn.

Last night I was up about a half a dozen times.  To go to the bathroom.  To get a drink.  To turn the air conditioner on because I was blazing hot.  Then hubby’s alarm went off and he got up to get ready for work at about 4 am.  I got up, too, because of course I had to use the bathroom.  Hubs was using our bathroom to get ready for work so I snuck into our spare room and used the toilet in the little half bath we have in there.  It’s basically a tiny closet with a toilet and a sink… you can barely close the door without it touching your knees while you’re sitting on the throne.  When I was done I crawled back into bed, sprawled out into the middle of it, stole my hubby’s pillows, and finally fell asleep for an hour and 15 minutes before my alarm went off.

In that short amount of time I had a horrible nightmare.  One that I hope to never ever ever have again.  In it, I got up to use the bathroom in the tiny little half bath, just like I did earlier that morning.  Except this time, when I was done, there was bright red blood everywhere.  I panicked.  I franticly tried to clean myself up, going off the logic that if I could get rid of the blood then nothing had happened, until I finally collapsed into the floor and banged my head against the wall, wondering how in the hell this was happening to me again.

Of course I was still panicked when I woke up.  And had to check a thousand times to make sure it was a dream.  Thankfully it was.  Nothing gone awry.  Yet.

I’m trying to keep positive thinking going, and not dwell on what might or might not happen.  But obviously  my subconscious knows I’m worried.  There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to have a healthy pregnancy.  If the cause of my last miscarriage was in fact the Factor V Leiden and MTHFR mutations, then the Lovenox and baby aspirin should be taking care of it.  The week before I miscarried last time I had this strange feeling.  Almost like I knew it was going to happen.  Maybe your body can sense things like that without you actually knowing it. I don’t know.  But I’ve had nothing but good feelings and good vibes since the beginning of this pregnancy, and even before I knew.  So I’m hoping that means everything is gonna be alright.  At least for now.

Here’s hoping for a dreamless, restful night tonight!


4 thoughts on “Nightmares and Restless Nights

  1. I’m so sorry you had such a horrible nightmare! I had some really graphic, awful ones after my miscarriages. I always say that my brain picks up the things that are so painful/worrisome I don’t want to think about them when I’m awake, and then plays them out in my dreams. Of course you’re going to have some thoughts of worry, but the fact that you have an overall positive feeling about this pregnancy is wonderful. Keep focusing on that and hopefully the bad dreams will eventually fade.

  2. Hang in their girl! As a PREVIOUS infertile, I’m sure it’s close to impossible to relax throughout this pregnancy. I just know how I would feel with a positive PT, so I think I can imagine. Hoping it gets easier!! Muah!

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