Death and Tragedy



This is going to be a very sad post.  {Don’t worry, everything is fine with Baby Nugget so far!}

Yesterday I woke up to a very normal day.  It was Friday, finally!  After a long 3 day weekend, my 4 day work week seemed much longer than it actually was.  I was tired.  Exhausted, really.  It takes a lot of effort nowadays to get myself out of bed {plus the morning sickness is in fact much worse in the mornings than it is any other time of the day}.  This had been a particularly busy week and I was extra tired and extra glad it was Friday.

So I finally got up and got cleaned up like normal.  At around 6:30am I was sleepily applying some makeup to my face while Chelsea Lately played on the TV in the background, pretty much right on track with my normal morning routine.  I had no idea that at that exact same time, someone I’m very close to’s life was drastically changing and turning upside down.  So I finished putting on my mascara, threw on my scrubs, grabbed a pop tart out of the cabinet, and headed out the door at around 7:06am.

I got to work early, as usual, because I have to leave so early to beat the traffic from all the construction on the interstate.  So I sat in the break room and ate my pop tart and grumbled about how glad I was it was Friday.  I mean, really, the only things I had to complain about were being tired and exhausted and nauseous, which are all things caused by this beautiful miracle that I hope and pray is still growing inside me everyday.

So I suck it up and get to work.  The doors to the clinic open and all of our surgery patients from yesterday are here for their post-ops exams today.  The first half hour or so is pretty hectic and fast paced as we try to get all these patients in.  Then the normal rush of patients resumes.  Just a normal Friday in my books.

Close to 9:00, I saw a set of blue surgical scrubs walking down the hall of the clinic.  It was M, one of the scrub techs that works in our surgery center.  On Fridays a plastic surgeon uses our surgery center and they had cases today, so I was surprised to see her over here in the clinic.  But I smiled as she walked towards me and said, “Hi, M!”

She did not smile back.  She finished walking towards me, almost with purpose it seemed now, and she grabbed my hand.  “I need you guys to be thinking about A today,” she said immediately.

A is another girl that works in the surgery center.  She and I are good friends.  Not just work friends, but outside of work friends.  We hang out.  We have girls’ nights.  We go to dinner, movies, we have a standing date every year to go to this silly haunted corn maze at Halloween.  We have plans to attend a concert together 3 hours out of town this month…the same one hubby doesn’t want me going to now since I’ll be toting around Nugget as well.  The point is, we aren’t just work friends.  We’re real life friends.

The next words out of M‘s mouth were, J was killed this morning.”

J is A‘s husband.

At first I looked at her and didn’t really comprehend what she said.  “No,” I said. “What?? No…”  She confirmed I had heard correctly and gave me a few details.  He was out of town for work.  The van he and 2 other guys were in flipped.  He was dead at he scene due to massive injuries.  By that time the flood gates had opened.  The tears started and I couldn’t stop them.  {I’m having a hard time holding them back as I write this.}  I knew J.  I wasn’t super close to him, but I knew him.  But way more than that, I am close to A.  And my heart was completely broken in two for her.

J was only 34 years old.  A is 33.  They have two little girls, ages 5 years and 6 months.  J’s job had him out of town for weeks at a time, then he would get to come home for a week or two, and then back out again.  A hated it.  She recently had told him she wanted him to look for something different.  I mean, she had a hard enough time handling him being gone for a couple weeks…how in the world is she going to deal with this???

I know A and I know about her life before she met J.  He came into her life and turned it completely around.  He became a daddy to S, their 5 year old girl, who was just an infant when he came into her life.  They had a court hearing scheduled for Wednesday June 5th for him to legally adopt her.  Baby P is 6 months old and looks just like J.  They had a hard time conceiving her, and after a few months finally got pregnant on their first round of Clomid.  I resented A after that.  And I pretty much resented her throughout her entire pregnancy, like the horrible infertile friend that I am.  Now that all seems petty and stupid.  And I’m so glad now that it only took one round.  I’m so glad J got to spent at least 6 months with Baby P.  I’m so glad A has that part of him to hold onto now, even though I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for her right now.

As infertiles, we know all too well how quickly something we love can be snatched away from us.  But this, to me, is entirely different.  I don’t understand how this happens.  Its not fair.  And I hate that this has to be a part of life.  I hate that S has to loose the only daddy that she’s ever known.  I hate that baby P will grow up never knowing that daddy.  I hate that in the back of my mind I know that A is not going to be able to deal with this, and I don’t know where that’s going to leave her or her girls.

I’ve cried a lot of tears for my friend since yesterday.  And I’ve told my husband I love him I don’t even know how many times.

I wish that there was more that I could do.



6 thoughts on “Death and Tragedy

  1. That is so sad 😦 I never know how to react to people losing their loved ones. Being there for her is really all you can do.

  2. Oh my god, I don’t know how she will deal either. This is horrible, I’m so sorry for your loss, and more importantly her and her daughters losses. I would feel exactly the same way as you did, how do you comprehend? And begin to try and help? I hope your friend is able to deal with this the best way she can, I’m so sorry again.

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