Ok. I try not to HATE. But you know what I mean.
I still cringe when someone announces that they are pregnant on Facebook. Especially when they announce that they are 5 WEEKS pregnant on Facebook. Seriously?! You’re going to take that chance? Oh, that’s right. Not everyone has stupid lazy ovaries and a history of pregnancy loss. Not everyone feels the need to proceed with caution as I did. Oh, to be blissfully ignorant.
With all that being said, I think what I feel the most is jealousy.
As miserable as I was through most of it, I really miss being pregnant. I love that my sweet baby boy is finally here safe and sound, but there is just something about being pregnant that is just magical. Maybe because I wasn’t sure if I ever would be.
But it did happen for me. After 3 long years, I had a surprisingly uneventful pregnancy (except for some blood pressure issues at the end, but even that wasn’t too bad). So why do I still roll my eyes or look on enviously at every pregnant woman I see?
Because PREGNANCY is the white rabbit. Not actually giving birth, not taking my precious baby home, although those things are priceless to me. But pregnancy is what eluded me for so long. Pregnancy is what my focus was on every single day for 3 years. Get pregnant. Stay pregnant. I would worry about the rest when and if the time came. Until then, I was forever chasing that white rabbit.
But you know what? I caught him.
I finally got my happy ending. I got my BFP. I carried my baby to term (and one day past!). I delivered him safely and soundly, even if it was a scary situation for a while. I brought him home and we started our life together. I’ve got everything I’ve always wanted and I couldn’t be happier!! And even if I’m never able to have another child, I’ve got my little miracle boy and that’s all I’ll ever need.
I have no right to still feel the way I do about pregnant women. No right at all. But I do. I do still feel that way, and I may feel that way forever. I may be 75 years old and see a glowing round belly walk past me and still feel an ache in my heart. It may be a hurt that never goes away.
So for now I’ll continue to shake my head and roll my eyes at the never ending pregnancy announcements on Facebook.