Big. Fat. Negative.

Well, I took the plunge and tested yesterday evening. I stopped by the dollar store and bought 2 cheapy tests for $1 a piece. I couldn’t bring myself to spend the cash on an FRER when I knew I was probably setting myself up for disappointment.

I’m kinda sad, I’ll admit. I was looking forward to giving the news to my husband. To happily answering “Nope!” to our friends and family when they asked if we had to use fertility treatments again. And honestly, I was just excited about the possibility of another baby. I’ve been on the fence for a while, but this just set it in stone. My family is not complete yet. I’m ready to add to it.

I’m back in that place again. I know it could take over my every thought easily if I let it. But I can’t this time. I’m a mother and my son is my world. It will be very different the next time around.

So now I wait. Me and my glass filled boobies  (ha) will wait. For what? I don’t know. Maybe AF is coming. Maybe that’s why my boobies hurt. And let’s be honest, if that were the case that’s still a win for a girl with pcos who never has a cycle.

There’s still that nagging voice in the back of my head saying..what if it’s just early? You don’t even know when your period is due. Maybe that cheap dollar store test couldn’t pick up the hcg. You didn’t use first morning urine, and EVERYONE knows you’re supposed to use first morning urine! And your boobies do hurt… and you felt a little queasy yesterday and seemed a little sensitive to smells when your co worker sprayed that Meadows and rain febreeze. Don’t count your uterus out yet! You do still have one cheap dollar store test left….

Another problem with being an infertile…. you can pretty much talk yourself into having symptoms! I know I’ve done it MANY TIMES before. So I may be doing it now. I’m pretty good at it.

For now, I’m believing the negative test. And for now, I’ll wait. Wait for AF. Wait for my “symptoms” to go away. Wait to take that last dollar store test.

And maybe wait until this summer to start trying to have another baby. 😊

7 thoughts on “Big. Fat. Negative.

  1. I can totally related to that. I have been TTC for 4 years now. I don’t even remember how many pregnancy test I have taken and they were all negative. Once I wishfully thought I saw a faint second line but there wasn’t. It is really disappointing.

  2. I’m sorry! And I’m queen of noticing “symptoms.” I have to admit that it was a season like this for me last October/November that cemented the fact in my heart that I wanted enough baby enough to go through infertility treatments again.

    • It’s so funny how we can make ourselves believe something when we want it bad enough, huh? I did it many times while TTC but it really did make me realize how much a new baby would be welcome. Hopefully we can start that journey soon, and hopefully it won’t be quite as long or difficult as the first time around.

      I haven’t been on here in a while, but I do hope you are well with your little family! And hopefully any future additions will come easily 😉❤

  3. I hate this. I did this to myself not too long ago, and I have 0% chance of ever getting pregnant on my own with 1 missing Fallopian tube and the other so mangled it would be easier to pass honey through a straw that had been crazy glued together and attached to the non-functional ovary!! My boobs hurt, I was late, hungry, all the fun symptoms. 😦 Much love your way and I’m praying it happens for you!

  4. Hugs mama. Our minds do crazy things when we really want something. That awful let down feeling when you see a negative test, ugh… The worst. ❤

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