Still A Bad Blogger…

I’ve been horrible at updating lately. To be fair, there’s not too much to update on.

Beta was a BFN, which I expected since I compulsively tested the entire weekend before.  I’m back on CD10 today, this will be my 3rd day of Follistim, and I go to the RE on Monday, CD12, for my midcycle ultrasound.  We are hoping to do IUI this cycle, as long as everything looks good and I am ovulating on the right ovary.  If everything goes along like my last two cycles, I’m anticipating the IUI to happen on either Friday or Saturday.  But that’s going to be a wait and see what happens deal.

I have been in a horrible mood this last week or so.  Cranky. Bitchy, even. So irritable it hurts at times. And EXHAUSTED, oh my gosh, soooo exhausted.  I got home from work yesterday, fed the dog, cooked supper, and laid down on the couch (my BRAND NEW couch, might I add, because we got new furniture last weekend! Yay!) at around 8:45pm.  I fell asleep. Hubby left me there and went to bed. He woke me up at 4am when he got up for work. I got off the couch and crawled into our bed. I did not get back out of bed until 10am. I just can’t believe I slept for 13 hours, almost 14.  But I’ve been so friggin’ tired this week!! I’m blaming it on the meds.  I blame everything on the meds these days it seems.

I haven’t been the nicest person to my husband these last two or three days (which might be the reason he left me on the couch last night…HA!), and considering, he’s dealt with it well.  I know I haven’t been the easiest person to live with the last 2 years, and he’s made it look easy somehow.  I really do love him for that.  I know that a lot of relationships and marriages would not have survived what we have been faced with.  I know a lot of marriages who didn’t survive and weren’t faced with anything like this.  So I have to give my hubby props.  I love him for loving me through all this.

Ok. I’ll try to be less horrible at updating this week.  Right now I have a book with my name on it that I’ve been too tired to read all week! I’m finishing it TODAY. 🙂

Happy Saturday!

Quick Update From a Bad Blogger

Yeah. I’ve been a bad blogger lately.  But here’s an update on things.

Beta test was negative.  I was ok with that. I’ve come to expect that.  So I was ok with it.  At least, I think I was.  The crazy lady crying in the kitchen floor over Hamburger Helper that night might beg to differ.

Currently on CD8.  Doing Letrozole 5mg CD5-9.  Follistim 100 units CD10-12.  Ultrasound on Monday (CD12) and we’ll go from there.

Dr. P raised or doubled the dosage on all my meds for this cycle.  So crazy lady might get a little crazier.  Apparently I put my sassy pants on this morning (or so I was told) so crazy lady might already be a little crazier.  Just ask the lady from CVS Caremark who tried to tell me this afternoon that my Follistim couldn’t be delivered until next Tuesday because they were just so busy.  Don’t think so, lady.

On another note, one of my patients today listed polycystic ovaries in her medical history.  She was also on Metformin.  It was none of my business but I asked her about it and told her I had the same thing.  She asked if I had any babies.  And when I said we were trying she said, “Me, too!” Then she asked how old I was.  I told her 29 and she told me she was 34.  That turned into a 45 minute conversation about infertility and TTC.  It’s weird the information you feel comfortable sharing with a complete stranger.  But in a way she wasn’t a stranger at all because she knew and understood and had been through what I had.  It’s so rare to find someone in real life that you can talk to about these things who for real understands.  I do (un)fortunately have people in my life who get it.  But even more in my life don’t.

Ok.  I’ll update late when there’s something to update on!

You Want Me To Put That WHERE?

CD28 and {approximately} 10dpo. Stay tuned, because this post will be covering hard hitting topics like vaginal suppositories and imaginary symptoms! Alright, here we go!

We all have them. And we all drive ourselves crazy trying to decipher them like a crazy kid who’s lost his secret decoder ring. I call them IMAGINARY, because let’s face it, it’s way too early for it to actually be pregnancy symptoms. You would think that with all the knowledge we’ve acquired while TTC we’d be able to logically look at the calendar and realize that we’re crazy and that there is absolutely no way that we could possibly be pregnant at 2dpo. But who cares about logic?! My boobs hurt so I MUST be pregnant! 😉 So here’s a rundown of my imaginary symptoms this cycle so far:

1. Sore Boobies. I triggered on CD16 at 8:00pm. The sore boobs {mostly nipples} started up about 4 days after that, around CD20. I tried to chalk it up to the trigger. But then the Crazy in me was like, why would it take four days for the trigger to affect you? If it was going to give you sore boobies, it probably would’ve happened right away. Logic is stupid. {Note: On Thursday {CD26} I had a very sharp shooting pain in my left boob. It was weird, but worth noting.}

2. Fatigue/Exhaustion. This really started on about CD18 and hasn’t let up. There was literally one afternoon at work that I was so exhausted I almost felt like I had the flu {but didn’t, thank goodness!}. Now, it has been a pretty rough couple of weeks at work. We’ve been really busy, and there was a day that I spent 9 hours straight in surgery with no break. So understandably I’d be tired. But the Crazy in me is like, you’re tired because you’re growing another human being you idiot! Who cares if its 2dpo, you should take a test! 

3. Nausea/Queasiness. This has been happening off and on since late last week, between CD20-21. It doesn’t last long. It just hits me all of a sudden. Then ten minutes later I’m starving and stuffing my face {not good for the diet, by the way…but I’ve lost 14lbs so far!}. Again, I try to chalk it up to all the hormones I’ve been pumping myself full of, but you know what the Crazy person has to say about it.

4. Vivid Dreams. This has happened more nights that not in the past two weeks. I had one dream last Sunday {CD22} during a 3 hour afternoon nap {see Number 2} that I actually thought it had happened when I woke up. I have no logical explanation for this. So Crazy is like, Boom! You’re pregnant.

5. Headaches. Everyday this week, starting at CD23. Crazy: It’s probably not work or stress. You know you’re pregnant.

6. Cramping.  Period-like cramps/bloaty feeling since the weekend/beginning of this week {CD22-23ish). Probably my period coming, I’d like to believe. But…

Most all of these symptoms started late last week/weekend. On Monday I had my bloodwork done to check my progesterone. It was 11. My doc likes for it to be 15 or higher. So on Tuesday {CD24} I went to the pharmacy to pick up the new addition to my medicine regime. Progesterone Suppositories. Aren’t those just a big barrel of fun?! {Note: I should’ve actually started these on Monday, but the lab didn’t fax my results same day like they were supposed to, so H didn’t get my results in time to send in my script. This crazy hormone filled lady called said lab and gave some poor soul an earful that I can promise you they will never forget.}

Since starting these little gem suppositories {100mg, twice a day}, all the symptoms I’ve been having seem to be amplified. I am trying SO HARD not to read too much into it, but geez. So I broke down and peed on a frickin’ stick yesterday. It was a First Response. Only 1 pink line. White as snow. BFN.

Now, I’m trying hard to not be discouraged. And I’m also trying hard not to get my hopes up. Those are two very difficult things to do simultaneously. Technically I was only 9dpo yesterday. {I triggered CD16 at 8:00pm. Should have ovulated between 24-36 hours later, either late on CD17 or on CD18. So I’m counting CD18 as O day. I didn’t do OPK’s, so I have to go with my best guess.}  I’ve read that a lot of women don’t get their BFP until 12-14dpo. So I’m trying not to sweat about it yet. I’d like to just enjoy my weekend and not even test again until my Beta on Tuesday {CD31, 13dpo}.

But we all know that will  never happen. So for now, I’m going to take it one day at a time. I’m not testing today. Period. What I am going to do is get dressed and leave this house because I have a hair appointment in an hour and a half, and I’m stoked {my hair needs help…badly!}.

Have a great weekend! Wish me luck on not compulsively testing! 😉

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

What a week its been! I swear, its a good thing today was Friday, because I never would’ve been able to make it another day. Let’s get this out of the way…IUI #1 was a bust. BFN‘s all around. Boo. A quick rundown of the week:

Friday(August 3rd) – 14 days past IUI. CD29. I had pretty much tested every morning for the past 4 days. All BFN’s. All week long I had been cramping like crazy, and I felt like I was going to start any moment. So every time I went to the bathroom I was looking for it, but secretly praying that it wouldn’t be there. Consequently, I’m pretty sure I went to the bathroom at least 25 times while at work that day. AF did not show, though. Such a tease.

Saturday(August 4th) – 15 days past IUI. CD30. BFN. For some unholy reason I volunteered to work this day. The clinic is normally closed on Saturday but we had a back to school special going on so this weekend was an exception. I found out very quickly that I NEED my Satudays off. Somewhere in the middle of the morning I had a crazy sharp pain down in my uterus. Like a stop me in my tracks and bend over sort of pain. It only last for a minute or two. And I had absolutely no idea what it meant or whether it was a good or bad sign. Later that evening at home I had a tiny bit of spotting. Finally, AF had arrived! I wasn’t particularly glad to see her, but I was just glad the waiting was over and I could finally get on with my life. Or so I thought.

Sunday(August 5th) – 16 days past IUI. CD31. Did not test this day. Expected AF to be flowing hardcore when I woke up. But she was nowhere to be found. And she never stopped back in. No spotting. Nothing.

Monday(August 6th) – 17 days past IUI. CD32. BFN. Oh .My. God. Monday came around awfully quick. Still no AF, but I did have a faint pink “discharge” that was coming and going all day. This seemed strange to me. When I start a cycle, I START. It’s on. I mean, its absolutely ridiculous for the first few days. I wasn’t sure what to make of this dainty pink stuff that may or may not be there. So I called the office. Nurse D calls me back and says Dr. L wants me to come in for a blood test, just to make sure.  {In other news, the knocked up new girl that I’ve been training was let go today. She just wasn’t doing the job and she wasn’t anywhere near where she should’ve been after over a month. And I honestly just don’t think she wanted to be there. This is majorly selfish of me, but a big part of me was happy to see her go. If only because it was so unbearable to watch her walk around all accidently pregnant while I can’t get that way no matter how hard I try. I sincerely do hope she figures it all out and things work out for her in the end. I’m just kinda glad I’m not gonna be right in the middle of it.}

Tuesday(August 7th) – 18 days past IUI. CD33. Blood test comes back negative. Dr. L doesn’t feel comfortable with this abnormal bleeding I’m having though, so he says to wait it out and call him back on CD35 and let him know what’s going on then. So at this point I have nothing to show for any of this except unanswered questions and a big fat bruise:

Does this color look good on me?

Thursday(August 8th) – CD35. Turns out, AF showed up in full swing late Tuesday night. The flood gates opened. So I called Dr. L today and they sent in my Letrozole. Ultrasound is scheduled for next Friday the 17th. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I had an absolute horror show of a meltdown at work. I literally started crying right in the middle of surgery. Not sad, sobbing crying. It was angry crying. Every little thing was setting me off. I even snapped at one of my closest friends, who I happen to work with. This girl and I went to college together, we work together, I was in her wedding, and we have NEVER ever had any sort of tuft between us. But I was on the warpath and apparently it didn’t matter who was in the line of fire. Oh…poor hubby later that night. It was a bad day.

So here we are again. Back on CD5 {we ended up counting Monday’s spotting as CD1}. I started my Letrozole {Femara} tonight and will continue it until CD9. I’m a little concerned because Dr. L will be off all next week, so he won’t be there when I go in for my ultrasound on CD12. Whoever the on-call doc is will look at my u/s and decide what to do from there. I’m sure whoever it is is perfectly capable, but I just feel uncomfortable with anyone but Dr. L calling the shots on my IUI. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

This week has exhausted me. I’m so thrilled that its Friday again and that I get my FULL weekend! I’m gonna try to get through it without crying {too much} or being {too} mean to anyone.  HA!