Only CD23???

Let me tell ya. This whole cycle has been just…weird. It is ridiculous to me that I’m only on CD23. How can that be?? It seems crazy that I could be getting my BFP {or BFN} any day now. Especially since here lately I don’t usually expect AF until CD33-35.¬† I’m trying to take all this as a good sign. My mature follicles ready on CD12. Actually ovulating like a normal person on CD14 {with the help of a trigger, of course}. I know that all that really matters is how many dpo you are, but its still so strange to me since I don’t even usually start peeing on a stick until CD28 or so and my beta is scheduled on CD27! Just hard to wrap my head around. Hmph.

On another note…

Still cramping. Almost like AF could show up any day now. Which again, throws me off since I wouldn’t normally be expecting her for another 10 days or so. My boobies are still sore. I know there’s no way the trigger is still in my system, and they aren’t near as sore as they were after I first triggered. But still pretty tender. Which is normal to me at this point, except I usually chalk it up to the progesterone. Except this cycle I’m not taking progesterone. Because my numbers were phenomenal. Again. Weirdness.

But we’re not jumping to any conclusions here. There’s probably a logical explanation for all of this. There always is, right? Regardless, I bought a box of 3 First Response today. One for tomorrow, one for Sunday, and one for Monday. I still have some Wondfo’s in there, but I’m not completely sure that I trust them at this point. Hubby asked last night if it was time to take a test yet or not, which surprised me since he’s usually pretty quiet about everything until I let him in on what’s going on. Good to know I’m not the only one thinking and stressing about it this time haha ūüėČ

*sigh* I try really hard, and it may not seem like it, but I can’t help but have a pretty positive outlook on this cycle. It’s always dangerous to think that way. Usually if I have a feeling one way or another it ends up being a big slap in the face. But I can’t help but think that if it was ever going to happen, it has to be now, this cycle. Everything has just been too….perfect.

If anybody needs me I’ll just be over here…waiting for this other shoe to drop.

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You Want Me To Put That WHERE?

CD28 and {approximately} 10dpo. Stay tuned, because this post will be covering hard hitting topics like vaginal suppositories and imaginary symptoms! Alright, here we go!

We all have them. And we all drive ourselves crazy trying to decipher them like a crazy kid who’s lost his secret decoder ring. I call them IMAGINARY, because let’s face it, it’s way too early for it to actually be pregnancy¬†symptoms. You would think that with all the knowledge we’ve acquired while TTC we’d be able to logically look at the calendar and realize that we’re crazy and that there is absolutely no way that we could possibly be¬†pregnant at 2dpo. But who cares about logic?! My boobs hurt so I MUST be pregnant! ūüėȬ†So here’s a rundown of my imaginary symptoms this cycle so far:

1. Sore Boobies. I triggered on CD16 at 8:00pm. The sore boobs {mostly nipples} started up about¬†4 days after that, around CD20. I tried to chalk it up to the trigger. But then the Crazy in me was like, why would it take four days for the trigger to affect you? If it was going to give you sore boobies, it probably would’ve happened right away. Logic is stupid. {Note: On Thursday {CD26} I had a very sharp shooting pain in my left boob. It was weird, but worth noting.}

2. Fatigue/Exhaustion. This really started on about CD18 and hasn’t let up. There was literally one afternoon at work that I was so exhausted I almost felt like I had the flu {but didn’t, thank goodness!}. Now, it has been a pretty rough couple of weeks at work. We’ve been really busy, and there was a day that I spent 9 hours straight in surgery with no break. So understandably I’d be tired. But the Crazy in me is like, you’re tired because you’re growing another human being you idiot! Who cares if its 2dpo, you should take a test!¬†

3. Nausea/Queasiness. This has been happening off and on since late last week, between CD20-21. It doesn’t last long. It just hits me all of a sudden. Then ten minutes later I’m starving and stuffing my face {not good for the diet, by the way…but I’ve lost 14lbs so far!}. Again, I try to chalk it up to all the hormones I’ve been pumping myself full of, but you know what the Crazy person has to say about it.

4. Vivid Dreams. This has happened more nights that not in the past two weeks. I had one dream last Sunday {CD22}¬†during a 3 hour afternoon nap {see Number 2} that I actually thought it had happened when I woke up. I have no logical explanation for this. So Crazy is like, Boom! You’re pregnant.

5. Headaches. Everyday this week, starting at CD23. Crazy: It’s probably not work or stress. You know you’re pregnant.

6. Cramping.¬† Period-like cramps/bloaty feeling since the weekend/beginning of this week {CD22-23ish). Probably my period coming, I’d like to believe. But…

Most all of these symptoms started late last week/weekend. On Monday I had my bloodwork done to check my progesterone. It was 11. My doc likes for it to be 15 or higher. So on Tuesday {CD24} I went to the pharmacy to pick up the new addition to my medicine regime. Progesterone Suppositories. Aren’t those just a big barrel of fun?!¬†{Note: I should’ve actually started these on Monday, but the lab didn’t fax my results same day like they were supposed to, so H didn’t get my results in time to send in my script. This crazy hormone filled lady called said lab and gave some poor soul an earful that I can promise you they will never forget.}

Since starting these little gem¬†suppositories {100mg, twice a day}, all the symptoms I’ve been having seem to be amplified. I am trying SO HARD not to read too much into it, but geez. So I broke down and peed on a frickin’ stick yesterday. It was a First Response. Only 1 pink line. White as snow. BFN.

Now, I’m trying hard to not be discouraged. And I’m also trying hard not to get my hopes up. Those are two very difficult things to do simultaneously. Technically I was only 9dpo yesterday. {I triggered CD16 at 8:00pm. Should have ovulated between 24-36 hours later, either late on CD17 or on CD18. So I’m counting CD18 as O day. I didn’t do OPK’s, so I have to go with my best guess.}¬† I’ve read that a lot of women don’t get their BFP until 12-14dpo. So I’m trying not to sweat about it yet. I’d like to just enjoy my weekend and not even test again until my Beta on Tuesday {CD31, 13dpo}.

But we all know that will¬† never happen. So for now, I’m going to take it one day at a time. I’m not testing today. Period. What I am going to do is get dressed and leave this house because I have a hair appointment in an hour and a half, and I’m stoked {my hair needs help…badly!}.

Have a great weekend! Wish me luck on not compulsively testing! ūüėČ

Follistim, Party of One

CD19, folks! It’s been a bit since I updated, and a lot has happened the last 19 days! Let me break it down for you.

 

1. Provera was hateful to me and Letrozole was kind. Had a baseline ultrasound done on CD3. My Cycle Coordinator, H, has been wonderful in working with me and having some labs and other stuff done here locally so I don’t have to take off work as much. I got to go to Dr. L’s office for the baseline ultrasound and the girls there were ecstatic to see me. The ultrasound tech even used me as a teaching device that day, since my ovaries have a perfect string of pearls. I’m pretty much textbook, folks.

2. I began my very first cycle of Follistim. We started out with 75 units on CD’s 8-10. On CD11 Hubby and I made the 2 hour drive to have my midcycle ultrasound and labs done. It was uneventful. No mature follicles to be seen. So I was instructed to continue the Follistim 75units a day for the next 5 days. Then on CD16 we would return for another ultrasound to check things out.

3. I’ve become a pro at jabbing myself with a needle! Hooray! At first it was a little tough. I mean, it didn’t hurt, and I knew it wouldn’t hurt. But it’s like my brain wouldn’t tell my hand to give myself the shot! Crazy. But eventually I got the hang of it and I’ve been shooting myself up like a mad man.

4. Back to the clinic 2 hours away for our 2nd ultrasound on CD16. We got some good news. Actually, great news! There it was, on the screen. The most beautiful big black blob I’d ever seen. One mature follicle measuring 19mm. Bigger than Dallas right there on the screen. When she told me I closed my eyes and asked which ovary it was on. Luckily, it was on the RIGHT ovary! The left had a few little ones that weren’t mature yet. And the right only had that one. But oh my gosh, it was amazing. And it only takes one, right? I was pretty much giddy the whole way home. It’s just an amazing feeling to finally get some good news! After the last several cycles of my follies only growing to 12mm and then¬†stopping, this is fantastic. I love Follistim. LOVE IT.

5. So we triggered that night at 8:00. Sexy time like crazy the last 2 nights {and probably tonight, just to be sure!}. Yesterday I was having bad period-like cramps most of the day, with some twinging of my ovary. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad sign.

 

So there you have it. Starting out the TWW with pretty high spirits. I’m always very careful not to get my hopes up, but it’s just so hard this time around. I don’t want to jinx it…but I’ve just got this feeling…. Fingers crossed!!!

 

 

On Our Way

Well, friends, we are well on our way to Cycle #1 of TTC with the RE! I’m 5 days in with my old pal, Provera {grrr…} and hopefully within the next week I’ll have a little visitor and we can get this party started.

My Patient Education Class went well on Tuesday. I like Nurse M so far. She’s a little bit lacking in the personality department, but she’s very nice and helpful. We had to sign all sorts of legal mumbo-jumbo telling us of all the side effects that these meds {that I’ve already taken} can have. We went over the financial part of everything, and even though I’ve been approved by my insurance for fertility treatment, this first cycle is going to hurt a little bit until my $1500 deductible is met {ouch!}. We went over how to use my Follistim pen I’ll be getting {via mail, with all my other meds}, and Hubby got to take a trip to the Collection Room for a sperm analysis {results on Monday, I hope!}. All in all it was a good visit. Here’s the low down on the meds I’ll be taking:

Metformin ER 500mg X Twice a Day
Provera 10mg X 10days {currently}
Letrozole 2.5mg X CD3-7
Follistim 75units {dsg and days depending on ultrasound}
Trigger Shot {not sure which my insurance is covering yet}

In other exciting news, I cleared my kitchen cabinets of any and all junk food on January 2nd. Since then I have been trying to eat healthier and stay pretty close to a 1200 calorie diet. I haven’t had any sweet tea in over a week and a half, and I’ve only had a couple of diet sodas here and there when I really needed the caffiene fix. Exercise is coming along slowly. On nice days after work I’ve been taking my fur baby, Jenny, for a walk up and down our road. And I bought an elliptical, which was delivered on my doorstep Friday and I can’t wait for Hubby to put it together when he gets home from work today!

The best part? As of this morning…

I’ve lost 7 pounds!

I’ve still got a long way to go, but 7 pounds is a great start! The crazy thing is, it hasn’t even been that difficult. Its amazing what happens when you put yourself into a whole different mindset. Healthy Diet = Baby. That’s the equation I’m banking on.

Here’s hoping that Provera doesn’t make me a cranky bitch this week!

My life on progesterone.

My life on progesterone.

Our First Consultation

This past Monday was our first consultation with the RE!¬† So exciting/scary/promising!¬† It’s been a crazy week with the holidays coming up, so I’m little behind on updating on how everything went.¬† But here we go…

First of all, everyone at the clinic {so far} has been so incredibly nice.¬† I get it, it’s their job and they work in a very delicate specialty.¬† But when you feel like you’re carrying around as much baggage as I do, it’s nice for people to not make you feel like you’re a burden.¬† Even if it is their job.

Hubby and I woke up way too early and left our house at 5:30am to make the 2 hour drive to the clinic.¬† $3.00 in toll fees and 2 detours later, we arrived at the clinic at around 7:50.¬† They don’t open until 8:00, and our appointment wasn’t until 8:30.¬† So we took a little joyride and found a place to take a bathroom break.¬† By the time we got back they were just opening the doors.¬† Hubs opened the truck door and asked if I was ready.¬† I wasn’t.¬† And I was.¬† All at the same time.

We were met with chaotic¬†smiles behind the front desk.¬† There was clearly a new person being trained, quite possibly her very first day, and then they explained to us that the credit card machine wouldn’t settle, so they were on the phone trying to sort that out,¬†and Dr. P {who happened to be the doctor I was seeing} was terribly ill this morning.¬† The girl assured me that things weren’t usually like this as she handed me and the hubs some papers to fill out {and thanked me a million times for filling out our medical history on the patient portal…which by the way is pretty awesome}.¬† I work in a medical office.¬† I can totally understand walking into a crazy Monday that you didn’t expect.

After handing in our papers we waited less than 10 minutes before being called back.¬† The girl who called us back {whose name I didn’t catch…I’ll have to pay more attention next time!} was all smiles as she asked me to step up on the scale.¬† I’m glad she was smiling because I was not!¬† Then Smiley took us into an exam room and asked the basic questions.¬† I had already filled everything out on the Patient Portal ahead of time, so she was basically just verifying the information.¬† She took my blood pressure then Smiley asked me to smile as she snapped my photo with a digital camera.¬† Then Hubs had to smile at Smiley for his photo.¬† At my office we just scan your driver’s license, but hey, whatever works.

Smiley then began to explain that Dr. P was very sick today, but since we were new patients and came from out of state, he was going to go ahead and see us before he went home.¬† Then she lead the way into his office.¬† Right off the bat I liked Dr. P.¬† He’s very personable, straight forward, and has just the right amount of a sense of humor.¬† The poor guy looked about half dead, though!¬† When they said he was sick they weren’t kidding!¬† I felt horrible for him, but so grateful that he chose to stay and see us.

First things first, we went over my history, discussed all the avenues we’ve already taken.¬† We came to the conclusion that I’ve got a lot of things working against me and that I’m pretty textbook for PCOS, but he wanted to do a few tests to rule out anything that could be disguising itself as PCOS.¬† Dr. P said we were going to be very aggressive with the meds to get me ovulating, probably keeping with the letrozole for now and adding FSH injectables.¬† Getting me ovualting wasn’t¬†his biggest concern though.

Recently I had some blood work done.¬† A lot of bloodwork.¬† Bloodwork that required so much blood that I passed out in the lab.¬† Dr. P was studying my results and then informed me that I am a¬†carrier of a single copy of both Factor V Leiden mutation and the C677T MTHFR mutation.¬† If you’re unfamiliar with this, I suggest you consult¬†The Google, because it will explain it much better than me.¬† The basics of it is, I have a clotting disorder.¬† And the fact that I carry both mutations and not just one is just icing on the cake.¬† After explaining this to me, Dr. P then began to ask me questions about my miscarriage.

How far along were you?  8 weeks.

Did you hear a heartbeat?  Yes.

Yes?  Yes.

Hmm.

I had been told that we were so early that there was really no way to tell what caused the miscarriage.¬† These things just happen sometimes.¬† 1 in 4.¬† It was hard, but I had accepted it.¬† Dr. P informed me that he didn’t think this was the case at all.

In his professional opinion, he said that once you hear a good healthy heartbeat, there is usually a reason behind the miscarriage.¬† In my case, the clotting problem.¬† It decreases and cuts off the bloodflow to my uterus and to the placenta, effectively cutting off the blood flow to the baby.¬† There’s no way to know for sure, but Dr. P believes this is what happened to me at 8 weeks and 1 day.

I’m not gonna lie, that’s a tough pill to swallow.¬† To know that I had a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of me, and my body betrayed me, betrayed my baby.¬† To know that I could have a 7 month old son or daughter right now if I had just been taking a frickin’ baby aspirin?!¬† It’s hard to wrap my head around.

So, game plan.  Dr. P proposes that the day I get a positive pregnancy test I will immediately begin heparin or lovenox injections every day.  I started a baby aspirin everyday when I had this bloodwork done and I will continue to do this.  {I will likely be on an aspirin regimen for the rest of my life.}  He seems pretty confident that I will be able to carry a healthy pregnancy this way.  Now, about the getting pregnant part..

Like I said, we’ll most likely stick to the letrozole for now and add FSH injectables.¬† But all of this depends on the results of the bloodwork I’ve had done this week.¬† Dr. P said depending on what the results show will depend on how he treats me.¬† I also had to be checked for insulin resistance, since it usually goes hand in hand with PCOS.¬† We discussed the fact that I was put on Metformin before but it did nothing but make me race to the bathroom every 5 minutes, so he’s not sure if its actually an issue with me or not.¬† At least if it was it would help explain all the weight gain!

He said he usually likes to start out doing 3-5 cycles of IUI before he moves on to IVF.¬† Depending on how I respond to the meds will determine how many cycles we try.¬†¬†I’m ok with that.

After we talked and the poor man finally got to go home to bed, we were sent to the lab to get some blood drawn.  They use a separate lab company, which is convenient because they have a lab a couple towns over from where we live, which happens to be in the same town that we both work in.  We went straight from the clinic to the lab in Tulsa {which was in a kind of shady location behind a grocery store} and since they wanted a karyotype test from both of us, the Hubs had to get stuck with a needle this time, too!  I enjoyed it a little too much, haha!  Then later this week I went to the local lab here to have my insulin resistance test.

We go back to see Dr. P on¬†December 31st to discuss what the results were and how he plans to go about treating me.¬† He also talked about probably getting an ultrasound of my ovaries this visit or shortly after, as well.¬† Dr. L’s office sent a short novel to him, so he’s already got a lot of the info that he needs to start off with.

So far, thats all she wrote!¬† I’m excited for the 31st to get here and see what we’re going to do.¬† I’m anxious to get started.¬† I still haven’t started my period since my last cycle {November 8th} and I don’t like not being in a cycle.¬† After counting cycle days for 2 years its like a way of life!¬† Although, I can’t say that I’m excited to meet up with my old friend, Provera.¬† Ugh.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Another One Bites The Dust

Boo.

Boo.

Yep. That’s a negative pregnancy test. Taken by yours truly. Not that I really expected anything different. But I realized today was CD35 and AF is no where in sight. And how crazy would that have been, to have my appointment with the RE on Monday and to totally be pregnant this cycle. But nope. Not happening.

Let’s commence with the bitching, since that’s what I’ve been so good at lately. Shall we?

Yesterday a girl that I used to work with posted a vague status on facebook that went a little something like this: 12/12/12 has been the best day of my life since the day I married my wonderful husband! To which someone asks…why? To which she replies: Can’t tell yet ::smiley::¬† Now, I knew the moment I read it that she was pregnant. Someone had posted a little while ago that it was time for her have a baby, and she had said they’re working on it. If you’re trying to hide it, you’re not doing a very good job. Then 10 minutes later she posts a picture of her positive pregnancy test. Wow. Really waited a while before you told people, huh?

I just Do. Not. Understand. where these people get off announcing that they’re pregnant as soon as they get a positive test! You’re, what, five minutes pregnant?! Don’t you understand all the things that could happen in the next few weeks? Days? Hours? Just another example of how infertility has affected me. My brain. My emotions. I would never be so brave as to announce that I was pregnant the moment I took a test. I didn’t tell my parents that we were pregnant until we were 7 1/2 weeks and had heard¬†a perfectly healthy¬†heartbeat. And I miscarried four days later.

Ugh.

To top all this off, I walked in on a conversation between a few girls at work about how they’re so glad they had their kids young and that they had never planned to have kids once they were 30, because that was just waiting too long. Well, this 29 year old appreciates the fact that you think I’m out of time and should just give up now. Since I’m too old and all. Too bad I didn’t start trying when I was much younger. Oh, wait. I did. Bitches.

And that concludes another horribly negative post. Enjoy!

Hard To Be Thankful

I know, I know.  I have much to be thankful for.  I have a roof over my head.  A good job.  A nice car.  Medical insurance.  A wonderful {though sometimes annoying} husband.  The sweetest little fur baby you will ever meet.  Really, I want for nothing in the physical sense.

It started out as a great day.¬† We spent the first part of our day having dinner at my Aunt’s house with my mom’s side of the family.¬† Afterwards, we went to my Grandma’s on my dad’s side.¬† As soon as I walk in the door —- no, BEFORE I had even made it through the door, I’m bombarded with the news that my cousin’s wife is pregnant and today is the day they chose to share this joyous news.

I’m on the front porch.¬† My uncle is hugging me.¬† Smiling ear to ear.¬† Excitedly anouncing, “We’re getting a baby!”¬† I steady my breathing.¬† I’m holding it together.¬† I can handle this.¬† I walk through the front door and give my cousin a hug.¬† He and I are the same age, born a month apart from each other.¬† We grew up together.¬† We went to school together and graduated together.¬† We got married 4 months apart from each other.¬† A big part of me is happy for him.¬† But an equally big part of me is devastated.¬† But I’ve got this.¬† I’m holding it together and I’ve got this.

Before I even let go of the half hearted embrace between the two of us, my Grandma yells across the room to me, “Well, do YOU have any good news for us yet?”

I don’t have this anymore.¬† And its all I can¬†do to continue to hold it together.

I spent half an hour sitting uncomfortably on the couch while everyone went on and on about the new baby, and what symptoms she’s been having, and how, bless her heart, she couldn’t even keep Thanksgiving dinner down.¬† And then everyone in the room wanted to share their pregnancy stories.¬† What foods made them sick.¬† What foods they craved.¬† It’s all I can do to sit there and smile through it all.¬† I’m fighting¬† back tears and a total mental breakdown, all the while wondering if this is all really happening.

Finally, they leave because she’s tired and not feeling well.¬† I’m ashamed of the relief I feel when her occupied uterus leaves the room.

I know I’m being a brat.¬† And I know its not their fault that my lady bits don’t work.¬† But in my world, where everything revolves around me, I felt like it was all being forcefully shoved in my face.¬† I also realize how absolutely absurd that is.¬† But I don’t care.

I need December 17 to get here.  Now.

Grow Follies Grow!

CD14.¬† Ultrasound on Monday showed 3 follicles on my right ovary (yay!) and a couple of very small ones on my left.¬† The ones on my right ovary were around 11mm, which Dr. L felt was a little small.¬† A second ultrasound 2 days later (today) showed that they hadn’t grown any.¬† Boo. Dr. L mentioned to me Monday that it boggles his mind how inconsistent I am.¬† Great numbers one month, absolutey nothing the next.¬† Bad numbers another month, but then¬†I end up ovulating, presumably late.¬† He said I may just ovulate late this cycle, so it’s basically a wait and see situation.¬† I guess I’ll get some OPK’s and test the rest of this week just to see.¬† He’s out today and the rest of the week, so the ultrasound tech said she’d leave my scans for him and have him call me on Monday to see where to go from there.

When I saw him this week, he mentioned doing some lab work if I don’t ovulate this cycle to rule out premature ovary failure, since, like I said before, I’m so inconsistent.¬† I haven’t done much research on it (purposefully) because I don’t want to freak myself out unless I have to. But let’s just all please cross our fingers that this is not the case.¬† I have enough stacked against me as it is!

Good news is my appointment with the RE has been moved up to December 17!¬† I had to move it because my boss was being a bitch and wouldn’t let me take off on the 2nd, but at least I’m getting in quicker.¬† I’m ready.¬† I just hope boss lady understands that when this process starts, there’s no rescheduling appointments.¬† I go when I have to go.¬† I thought she understood this.¬† We had a very long conversation about this over a month ago and she said she supported me and would work with me on it.¬† We’ll see how that goes.

Everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!¬† I haven’t been doing the 30 days of thanksful thing, but let me just say… I hate that any of us have to go through it, but I’m so thankful for a community of women who know and¬†understand exactly what I’m going through.¬†¬†‚̧

What The Hell Is Going On In There?

Ugh.

Haven’t posted in a while, so here’s a little update.¬† I went in on Friday the 28th for my bloodwork.¬† Nurse D called me on Monday and said my progesterone level was 0.7.¬† 0.7!¬† That doesn’t just mean I didn’t ovulate, that means Hell no I didn’t ovulate.¬† Geez.¬† We discussed it and decided that since my next cycle I should {in theory} ovulate on my left ovary anyway, it would be a good time to do another month of birth control to “quiet” everything down and help me respond to the Letrozole better on the following cycle.¬† So I am to call her if I start my period, which, if I didn’t ovulate I probably won’t, and if I haven’t started by CD35 I’m to test and then call her to get another script for my favorite med: Provera.¬† Nurse D said to just wait it out because the numbers don’t necessarily mean anything, especially in my case since my body always seems to do the exact opposite of what the numbers say.¬† And why shouldn’t this time be any different?

So Saturday {October 6th} rolls around and I wake up to AF giving me a big fat Good Morning!¬† Um, what?¬† I didn’t ovulate, so therefore AF shouldn’t be showing her snotty little face, right?¬† And if she is showing up, does that mean I actually did ovulate?¬† And if I did ovulate, WHY didn’t all that sexy time me and the hubs had work???¬† Basically what I want to know is…What the Hell is going on inside my body?!

I just called Nurse D and am anxiously awaiting her phone call back so I can tell her about AF’s little surprise visit.¬† The hubs and I have talked a little, and since Dr. L has mentioned IVF the last two times I’ve seen him, we will probably be going to an RE after the first of the year if we haven’t gotten pregnant by then.¬† This month marks 2 years that we’ve been trying.¬† It’s time.¬† The first of the year seems like as good a time as any.¬† That will allow us to get past the holiday season and have both of our vacation times start over at work.¬† Since the ony two fertility clinics close to us are both around 2 hours away, we’ll need the time to take off work.

In other news, its October, and October is my favorite month of the year.¬† So let’s be happy about that.¬† ūüôā

Sexy Time. Again.

Gone were the days of scheduled intercourse, coming home after a long day from work, looking at my husband with a complete lack of interest, and thinking, “Let’s just get this over with now so we don’t have to worry about it after dinner.”

Sigh.

Or so I thought.¬† Here’s your warning: This post may include some TMI moments {Do those even exist when you’re TTC???}.

The past 3 cycles have been fantastic.¬† Before I started the Letrozole we did a month of BC.¬† Then my next cycle we did the IUI.¬† The next cycle was a bust because I was ovulating on the wrong ovary.¬† So for the last 3 months, my hubby and I have been able to actually¬†enjoy sex with each other whenever we WANT, not just when its on the calendar!¬† Its been amazing.¬† And I thought it would continue that way, since we’ve decided to keep trying with the IUI approach.

WRONG.

I went in for my Day 12 ultrasound on Monday {the 17th}.¬† There were 3 follies on my RIGHT ovary {Hooray!} but they were a little small. Two 10’s and one 12.¬† Dr. L actually called them pitiful.¬† Thanks, Dr. L {I still love you}.¬† I talked to him about my weird cycles the last two months, with the light spotting for 2-3 days before I actually started any heavy duty bleeding, and he said from now on he wanted me to start counting Day 1 on my first day of heavy bleeding.¬† In light of this news, he said that I could actually only be on Day 10 rather than Day 12, so he¬†wanted to see me back Wednesday for another ultrasound to see how my little follies were growing.

Cut to Wednesday {the 19th}¬† {Side Bar: This is one year to the day that we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.¬†¬†Four days later I miscarried. This week has been a rough one.}¬† I go in for another ultrasound.¬† At this point I’m on Day 14, or Day 12, depending on if you counted the first two days of spotting I had as cycle days. Oy.¬† My little follies grew 1mm.¬† Still pitiful.¬† Dr. L said he was expecting them to grow at least 2-3mm.¬† He said it was very possible that they would mature and I would still ovulate, but at that point he didn’t see enough to warrant spending the money on an IUI.¬† Plus, as it was looking, if I DID ovulate, it was looking to happen on the weekend and while he would come in¬†to do it even though the office is closed, the lab that does the sperm washing is closed on the weekend {Since Dr. L is just my OBGYN and I’m not going to a fertility clinic *yet*, which would obviously be open 7 days a week, this is the luck of the draw}.

So you know what that means… me and the hubs get to have Sexy Time this weekend.¬† And lots of it.¬† Sigh.¬† There’s just something about having to do it that makes me not wanna do it.¬† I know you know what I mean.

On a brighter note, I haven’t been nearly as crazy or close to a mental breakdown the last few weeks.¬† I finally called Dr. L’s office and told them I was losing it, and he prescribed me a low dose of Zoloft.¬† I was pretty hesitant at first.¬† I’ve never taken anything like that before and I was afraid it would make me a zombie.¬† But so far its done the trick without compromising my personality, and I only have 3 refills so its only a temporary thing.¬† I did some research on it and its prescribed to a lot of women who have severe PMS symptoms {which….HELLO, hormones!}.¬† The girls at work have even mentioned that they’ve noticed a difference in me.

Ok. So back to the follies.¬† So that makes today either Day 16 or Day 14.¬† Depending on how you’re counting it.¬† I haven’t done any OPK’s or temp charting, partly because I didn’t think I’d need to and partly because they just make me crazy.¬† But I did notice I had a little CM today {gross, I know}.¬† So hopefully my little follies are growing and all the Sexy Time we’re about to have isn’t all for nothing!

Just curious… If you’ve done IUI or monitored by ultrasound, what size are your follies usually on day 12 or 14?¬† Just so I have something to compare to.¬† I’m really hoping maybe I just flubbed up my days and we’ll ovulate just fine.¬† But as usual, I’m not getting my hopes up.¬† I’ll know for sure next week if we ovulated when I go in for my bloodwork.

Until then, have a good weekend!¬† You know what I’ll be doing! {Ha!}