And We Wait…

First, thanks for all the good luck wishes! I really appreciate it ūüôā

IUI went well on Wednesday. It was a long looong day. Hubby and I left home at 5:30am and drove through storms for 2 1/2 hours to get to his appointment at 8am.¬†After he made the ‘deposit’ we¬†had to find something to do for an hour and a half before it was time for my appointment. Let me tell¬†ya, I don’t care how big a city it is…there’s not too much to do at 8 in the morning in the middle of a thunderstorm.¬†¬†We finally made it back to the clinic at 9:30 for my appointment time, at which time we¬†found out we had previously overpaid and had a credit on our account so we had to pay zero dollars for the IUI {what?!}. It wasn’t too long after that until I was taken back to an exam room.

Naked from the waist down and feet in the stirrups and we were soon on our way. The nurse confirmed Hubby’s name and social with that on the syringe full of his little swimmers, and then informed us that he had provided us with a whopping 107 million little guys to inseminate into my uterus. Way to go, hubby! ūüėȬ† {I later threatened Hubby, saying that out of 107 million, at least one of them should know what to do, right?!}

I must say, Dr. P is very quick and very good at what he does. I heard him say I’d feel a little cramp, and I kept bracing myself for it, but before I could feel anything at all he was up and patting me on the shoulder telling me he had his fingers crossed for me. How could he be done so fast?! And just like that, the Two Week Wait began.

The egg timer finally went off, I got up and dressed, and we were out the door to head home. I only had some mild cramping the rest of the day, mostly a big pressure feeling in my uterus area. We stopped to eat and swung by the grocery store on the way home. We finally made it home at 2:30pm. By 2:35 I was asleep on the couch. I was exhausted!

So, here’s what we know:

-I had 2 very large fully grown mature follicles on my right ovary.

-107 million sperm now occupy my uterus.

I’m not exactly sure where that puts my odds of conceiving this cycle, but I’m choosing to be cautiously optimistic while majorly keeping a reality check on my expectations. Truth is, I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard of an IUI success story. I’m sure it happens, but I’m usually reading about the ones that didn’t.

Oh, well. No use dwelling on it. We’ll all know in eleven days one way or another. ūüôā

Change of Plans

CD30, 12dpo.

This cycle has been anything but normal for me.

On March 8th {CD16}, I was supposed to go back to the RE’s for my 2nd midcycle ultrasound. Hubby had taken off work to make the 2 hour drive with me that morning. At about 7:30 that morning I walked out to the driveway to put my purse and things in the car. As I did, I heard an ambulance siren coming up the highway in front of our house. A few seconds later they turned on our road, turning off the siren as they did. I walked out to the road and watched as the ambulance pulled into a driveway. A driveway that belongs to my husband’s Grandpa.

The entire time I was watching it I was hoping and praying it would turn into someone else’s house. How horrible is that?? I knew where it was going, I had that gut feeling.

My husband’s uncle stopped by Grandpa’s every morning for a cup of coffee. He found him that morning. It looked like it happened fast. He hadn’t struggled at all. Possibly a stroke or heart attack that took him fast. So I’m happy about that. But it was still hard to swallow. And although I would’ve cried anyway, the hormones didn’t help the situation.

Our weekend was filled with family time with my in-laws, a viewing, a graveside service, and a dinner afterwards at my house, since we live so close. Oh, and attempting to make a baby throughout all of that.

We obviously didn’t make it to my midcycle ultrasound. I figured this cycle would just be a bust and we would have to start over next month. But Hannah, my Cycle Coordinator, spoke with Dr. P and he ok’d me to trigger that night, even though we hadn’t looked at my follicles through ultrasound. At my first midcycle ultrasound on CD12 I had a few follicles on each ovary, but none were mature yet. Dr. P had raised my Follistim dosage from 75units to 100units this cycle, so he felt pretty confident that my body probably did what it was supposed to since I made a mature follicle on just 75units before. He was hoping that I would have more that one mature follicle this cycle. But there’s no way of knowing now.

So this is new. I triggered on CD16, and we BD’d days 16, 17, 18, and 19, just for good measure. My OPK’s pretty much screamed that yes, I ovulated on either CD17 or 18. But I have no idea how many mature follicles were released or if they were even on the right ovary or not. We are completely blind this cycle.

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve already tested a few times. And I’ve gotten some questionable results. So I’m saying they’ve all been BFN thus far. Beta is on Monday, so we’ll find out soon enough.

On a related note, has anyone had any experience with evaporation lines on the Wondfo tests from Amazon? The ones with the pink handles. These tests have convinced me I’m going crazy, so please share your experience with these!

You Want Me To Put That WHERE?

CD28 and {approximately} 10dpo. Stay tuned, because this post will be covering hard hitting topics like vaginal suppositories and imaginary symptoms! Alright, here we go!

We all have them. And we all drive ourselves crazy trying to decipher them like a crazy kid who’s lost his secret decoder ring. I call them IMAGINARY, because let’s face it, it’s way too early for it to actually be pregnancy¬†symptoms. You would think that with all the knowledge we’ve acquired while TTC we’d be able to logically look at the calendar and realize that we’re crazy and that there is absolutely no way that we could possibly be¬†pregnant at 2dpo. But who cares about logic?! My boobs hurt so I MUST be pregnant! ūüėȬ†So here’s a rundown of my imaginary symptoms this cycle so far:

1. Sore Boobies. I triggered on CD16 at 8:00pm. The sore boobs {mostly nipples} started up about¬†4 days after that, around CD20. I tried to chalk it up to the trigger. But then the Crazy in me was like, why would it take four days for the trigger to affect you? If it was going to give you sore boobies, it probably would’ve happened right away. Logic is stupid. {Note: On Thursday {CD26} I had a very sharp shooting pain in my left boob. It was weird, but worth noting.}

2. Fatigue/Exhaustion. This really started on about CD18 and hasn’t let up. There was literally one afternoon at work that I was so exhausted I almost felt like I had the flu {but didn’t, thank goodness!}. Now, it has been a pretty rough couple of weeks at work. We’ve been really busy, and there was a day that I spent 9 hours straight in surgery with no break. So understandably I’d be tired. But the Crazy in me is like, you’re tired because you’re growing another human being you idiot! Who cares if its 2dpo, you should take a test!¬†

3. Nausea/Queasiness. This has been happening off and on since late last week, between CD20-21. It doesn’t last long. It just hits me all of a sudden. Then ten minutes later I’m starving and stuffing my face {not good for the diet, by the way…but I’ve lost 14lbs so far!}. Again, I try to chalk it up to all the hormones I’ve been pumping myself full of, but you know what the Crazy person has to say about it.

4. Vivid Dreams. This has happened more nights that not in the past two weeks. I had one dream last Sunday {CD22}¬†during a 3 hour afternoon nap {see Number 2} that I actually thought it had happened when I woke up. I have no logical explanation for this. So Crazy is like, Boom! You’re pregnant.

5. Headaches. Everyday this week, starting at CD23. Crazy: It’s probably not work or stress. You know you’re pregnant.

6. Cramping.¬† Period-like cramps/bloaty feeling since the weekend/beginning of this week {CD22-23ish). Probably my period coming, I’d like to believe. But…

Most all of these symptoms started late last week/weekend. On Monday I had my bloodwork done to check my progesterone. It was 11. My doc likes for it to be 15 or higher. So on Tuesday {CD24} I went to the pharmacy to pick up the new addition to my medicine regime. Progesterone Suppositories. Aren’t those just a big barrel of fun?!¬†{Note: I should’ve actually started these on Monday, but the lab didn’t fax my results same day like they were supposed to, so H didn’t get my results in time to send in my script. This crazy hormone filled lady called said lab and gave some poor soul an earful that I can promise you they will never forget.}

Since starting these little gem¬†suppositories {100mg, twice a day}, all the symptoms I’ve been having seem to be amplified. I am trying SO HARD not to read too much into it, but geez. So I broke down and peed on a frickin’ stick yesterday. It was a First Response. Only 1 pink line. White as snow. BFN.

Now, I’m trying hard to not be discouraged. And I’m also trying hard not to get my hopes up. Those are two very difficult things to do simultaneously. Technically I was only 9dpo yesterday. {I triggered CD16 at 8:00pm. Should have ovulated between 24-36 hours later, either late on CD17 or on CD18. So I’m counting CD18 as O day. I didn’t do OPK’s, so I have to go with my best guess.}¬† I’ve read that a lot of women don’t get their BFP until 12-14dpo. So I’m trying not to sweat about it yet. I’d like to just enjoy my weekend and not even test again until my Beta on Tuesday {CD31, 13dpo}.

But we all know that will¬† never happen. So for now, I’m going to take it one day at a time. I’m not testing today. Period. What I am going to do is get dressed and leave this house because I have a hair appointment in an hour and a half, and I’m stoked {my hair needs help…badly!}.

Have a great weekend! Wish me luck on not compulsively testing! ūüėČ

Follistim, Party of One

CD19, folks! It’s been a bit since I updated, and a lot has happened the last 19 days! Let me break it down for you.

 

1. Provera was hateful to me and Letrozole was kind. Had a baseline ultrasound done on CD3. My Cycle Coordinator, H, has been wonderful in working with me and having some labs and other stuff done here locally so I don’t have to take off work as much. I got to go to Dr. L’s office for the baseline ultrasound and the girls there were ecstatic to see me. The ultrasound tech even used me as a teaching device that day, since my ovaries have a perfect string of pearls. I’m pretty much textbook, folks.

2. I began my very first cycle of Follistim. We started out with 75 units on CD’s 8-10. On CD11 Hubby and I made the 2 hour drive to have my midcycle ultrasound and labs done. It was uneventful. No mature follicles to be seen. So I was instructed to continue the Follistim 75units a day for the next 5 days. Then on CD16 we would return for another ultrasound to check things out.

3. I’ve become a pro at jabbing myself with a needle! Hooray! At first it was a little tough. I mean, it didn’t hurt, and I knew it wouldn’t hurt. But it’s like my brain wouldn’t tell my hand to give myself the shot! Crazy. But eventually I got the hang of it and I’ve been shooting myself up like a mad man.

4. Back to the clinic 2 hours away for our 2nd ultrasound on CD16. We got some good news. Actually, great news! There it was, on the screen. The most beautiful big black blob I’d ever seen. One mature follicle measuring 19mm. Bigger than Dallas right there on the screen. When she told me I closed my eyes and asked which ovary it was on. Luckily, it was on the RIGHT ovary! The left had a few little ones that weren’t mature yet. And the right only had that one. But oh my gosh, it was amazing. And it only takes one, right? I was pretty much giddy the whole way home. It’s just an amazing feeling to finally get some good news! After the last several cycles of my follies only growing to 12mm and then¬†stopping, this is fantastic. I love Follistim. LOVE IT.

5. So we triggered that night at 8:00. Sexy time like crazy the last 2 nights {and probably tonight, just to be sure!}. Yesterday I was having bad period-like cramps most of the day, with some twinging of my ovary. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad sign.

 

So there you have it. Starting out the TWW with pretty high spirits. I’m always very careful not to get my hopes up, but it’s just so hard this time around. I don’t want to jinx it…but I’ve just got this feeling…. Fingers crossed!!!

 

 

Once More, With Feeling!

fertilizedeggsplease

 

I’ve been a little MIA from the blogging world lately.¬† It’s just that with the holidays and work and doctor’s appointments, I tend to spend my free time doing absolutely nothing.¬† So here we go with an update.

My follow up appointment with Dr. P was on the 31st.¬† Dr. P was looking much healthier this go around and seemed to be excited to get going with our treatment plan now that we had my lab results back.¬† Hubby’s karyoptype came back normal, as did mine.¬† Most of my other results were normal, too, expcept for increased testosterone and things like that that we had expected.¬† Then the bad not so good news.¬†¬†My insulin resistance test came back positive.¬† So it’s official.¬† I’m insulin resistant.¬† All of my blood sugar numbers were great…perfect, he said.¬† But, my body is resistant to the insulin that keeps those sugars great, so it’s making an abundance of it.¬† The excess insulin is triggering my ovaries to make more testosterone, which interferes with the growth of my follicles.¬† Which essentially makes me a sad/angry/infertile woman at the end of every cycle.

Now, none of this was news to me.¬† I had expected that I had a hint of IR, just because I’m pretty textbook for it.¬† But Dr. L had tried to put me on Metformin before, and the side effects were terrible.¬† {TMI time} I couldn’t control my bowel movements, people.¬†¬† And in my line of work where I am running around and with patients all day long, you can’t just scadaddle off to the restroom at the drop of a hat.¬† Not to mention, in an office of 35 women, we have exactly TWO bathrooms.¬† Seriously.¬† And I swear to God people just camp out in there sometimes.¬† You can never go when you need to go.

So what is our gameplan according to Dr. P?¬† Back on Metformin.¬† He told me¬†it was not an option.¬† You want to have a baby?¬† Take the Metformin.¬† Period.¬† Well, ok, doc.¬† So he put me on 500mg twice a day, starting off the first week just taking it with my evening meal until my stomach can adjust.¬† He prescribed the Extended Release {ER} which seems to help a LOT with the stomach issues…I actually haven’t had any except I seem to be gassy all the time now.¬† Which could have something to do with the 2nd part of my IR treatment…

Diet.

Ugh.

We {hubby included, because I’ll be damned if I have to do this and he doesn’t!} were informed to start following a 1200 calorie diet and cut way back on sugar intake.¬† Sure.¬† Sounds fine.¬† Except for the fact that I can drink a gallon of sweet tea a day all by myself.¬† Seriously.¬† I’m addicted to the stuff.¬† Take away sodas.¬† Take away sweets.¬† I’ll be just fine.¬† But my sweet tea??¬† Oh, God, this is gonna be bad.

It’s not a bad thing.¬† We’re both overweight.¬† We’re both out of shape.¬† This is something we’ve needed to do for a long time.¬† I’ve known I needed to get myself healthier for a long time.¬† I could just never get myself motivated to do so.¬† Until the Fertility Specialist says if you want to have a baby, this is what you have to do.¬† That’s my motivation.¬† Why I didn’t look at it this way before?¬† I have no idea.¬† But that’s how I’m looking at it now.¬† I’m just doing what I have to do.¬† I was talking to a friend this week about my future fertility treatments, and she said to me, “I don’t think I could ever give myself a shot.”¬† Without any hesitation, I looked at her and said, “When you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever you have to do.”¬†

So far its not going too bad.¬† We went¬†through the cabinets and got rid of any and all food not on my approved list.¬† A¬†brand new unopened¬†package of Oreos thrown out. {Actually, I gave them away because I can’t bear the thought of throwing away perfectly good food}¬† My “snack” foods have been replaced with sugar free pudding, popcicles, and cool whip and fresh fruit.¬† The dinners I cook are pretty much the same, with a few changes like buying things with whole grains, etc.¬† I’m packing my lunch for work instead of going out to eat all the time and that saves calories and money.¬† I’m watching my portions and tracking my calories and so far I’ve done ok and lost 2.4lbs since the start of this week {which I’m attributing to cutting out the sweet tea lol!}.¬† I haven’t had anything to drink but water {except for 1 can of Diet Dr. Pepper} and with the help of Sweet Tea flavored Mio, it hasn’t been too bad at all.¬†¬† It’s not easy, but easier than I thought it would be. {Making myself eat breakfast has been my biggest challenge, because I am NOT a breakfast eater at all!}¬† And I’m not there yet, but I’m eating world’s better than I was a week ago, so that’s something.

Next step: Incorporating exercise into my daily routine.  But, one step at a time.

Ok, where were we?¬† After explaining the diet/Metformin plan to me, Dr. P says he’d like to give me a month or¬†two to get the IR under control before going on with any treatment.¬† Um, excuse me??¬† Did I hear you correctly, doc??¬† You want me to wait two months to start ANY kind of meds?¬† Nope.¬† Sorry.¬† Not gonna happen.¬† Two months, in the grand scheme of things, is not that long.¬† But two months for someone who has been TTC for two years is an eternitiy.¬† I haven’t had a period since November 8th and I’m going out of my frickin’ mind about it.¬† I’m gonna take your Metformin and I’m gonna cut my ties with my beloved sweet tea, so the least you can do is give me some mothertrucking Letrozole, guy.

The story, according to my husband, is that I whined and threw a fit and got my way.¬† But really, all I said was I didn’t want to wait that long to get started.¬† I’ve waited long enough, Dr. P, and you’ll soon realize that I’m going to be a pretty impatient patient.

So he gets out his prescription pad and writes me one more script….for Provera.¬† Ah, old friend, we meet again.¬† It’s gonna be a fun ten days.

He tells me to wait to start the Provera until I set up my Patient Education Class with Nurse M.¬† His plan for us right now is to do Letrozole with FSH injectables and timed intercourse {UGH}.¬† If it doesn’t work after a couple cycles we will move on to the IUI process.¬† I think this is just his way of tiding me over, since he wanted to wait until I was on the Metformin a couple of months before we did IUI anyway, but whatever, I’ll take it.¬† I can’t stand the thought of doing NOTHING.

So we signed up for the next available Patient Education Class with Nurse M¬†on January 8th, this Tuesday.¬† I’m not exactly sure what she’s going to teach me in this class that I don’t already know, besides maybe how to give myself a shot.¬† But they won’t let me start my meds until its done, so we’ll be there Tuesday morning, bright and early.

So there we have it.¬† I feel like I’m starting over, almost.¬† Like the last two years are being disregarded and I’m being treated as if all of this is new to me.¬† I’m sure that’s how they treat all new patients, but its a little frustrating, to say the least.¬† I’m ready.¬† For the big stuff.¬† If I had it my way we’d skip all this preliminary stuff and drop 20 grand on IVF tomorrow {might have to rob a bank or something first, but I can improvise}.

I’ll update soon about my first exam with Dr. P….it was interesting to say the least!

Hope everyone is having a happy new year!

 

Grow Follies Grow!

CD14.¬† Ultrasound on Monday showed 3 follicles on my right ovary (yay!) and a couple of very small ones on my left.¬† The ones on my right ovary were around 11mm, which Dr. L felt was a little small.¬† A second ultrasound 2 days later (today) showed that they hadn’t grown any.¬† Boo. Dr. L mentioned to me Monday that it boggles his mind how inconsistent I am.¬† Great numbers one month, absolutey nothing the next.¬† Bad numbers another month, but then¬†I end up ovulating, presumably late.¬† He said I may just ovulate late this cycle, so it’s basically a wait and see situation.¬† I guess I’ll get some OPK’s and test the rest of this week just to see.¬† He’s out today and the rest of the week, so the ultrasound tech said she’d leave my scans for him and have him call me on Monday to see where to go from there.

When I saw him this week, he mentioned doing some lab work if I don’t ovulate this cycle to rule out premature ovary failure, since, like I said before, I’m so inconsistent.¬† I haven’t done much research on it (purposefully) because I don’t want to freak myself out unless I have to. But let’s just all please cross our fingers that this is not the case.¬† I have enough stacked against me as it is!

Good news is my appointment with the RE has been moved up to December 17!¬† I had to move it because my boss was being a bitch and wouldn’t let me take off on the 2nd, but at least I’m getting in quicker.¬† I’m ready.¬† I just hope boss lady understands that when this process starts, there’s no rescheduling appointments.¬† I go when I have to go.¬† I thought she understood this.¬† We had a very long conversation about this over a month ago and she said she supported me and would work with me on it.¬† We’ll see how that goes.

Everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!¬† I haven’t been doing the 30 days of thanksful thing, but let me just say… I hate that any of us have to go through it, but I’m so thankful for a community of women who know and¬†understand exactly what I’m going through.¬†¬†‚̧

Sexy Time. Again.

Gone were the days of scheduled intercourse, coming home after a long day from work, looking at my husband with a complete lack of interest, and thinking, “Let’s just get this over with now so we don’t have to worry about it after dinner.”

Sigh.

Or so I thought.¬† Here’s your warning: This post may include some TMI moments {Do those even exist when you’re TTC???}.

The past 3 cycles have been fantastic.¬† Before I started the Letrozole we did a month of BC.¬† Then my next cycle we did the IUI.¬† The next cycle was a bust because I was ovulating on the wrong ovary.¬† So for the last 3 months, my hubby and I have been able to actually¬†enjoy sex with each other whenever we WANT, not just when its on the calendar!¬† Its been amazing.¬† And I thought it would continue that way, since we’ve decided to keep trying with the IUI approach.

WRONG.

I went in for my Day 12 ultrasound on Monday {the 17th}.¬† There were 3 follies on my RIGHT ovary {Hooray!} but they were a little small. Two 10’s and one 12.¬† Dr. L actually called them pitiful.¬† Thanks, Dr. L {I still love you}.¬† I talked to him about my weird cycles the last two months, with the light spotting for 2-3 days before I actually started any heavy duty bleeding, and he said from now on he wanted me to start counting Day 1 on my first day of heavy bleeding.¬† In light of this news, he said that I could actually only be on Day 10 rather than Day 12, so he¬†wanted to see me back Wednesday for another ultrasound to see how my little follies were growing.

Cut to Wednesday {the 19th}¬† {Side Bar: This is one year to the day that we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.¬†¬†Four days later I miscarried. This week has been a rough one.}¬† I go in for another ultrasound.¬† At this point I’m on Day 14, or Day 12, depending on if you counted the first two days of spotting I had as cycle days. Oy.¬† My little follies grew 1mm.¬† Still pitiful.¬† Dr. L said he was expecting them to grow at least 2-3mm.¬† He said it was very possible that they would mature and I would still ovulate, but at that point he didn’t see enough to warrant spending the money on an IUI.¬† Plus, as it was looking, if I DID ovulate, it was looking to happen on the weekend and while he would come in¬†to do it even though the office is closed, the lab that does the sperm washing is closed on the weekend {Since Dr. L is just my OBGYN and I’m not going to a fertility clinic *yet*, which would obviously be open 7 days a week, this is the luck of the draw}.

So you know what that means… me and the hubs get to have Sexy Time this weekend.¬† And lots of it.¬† Sigh.¬† There’s just something about having to do it that makes me not wanna do it.¬† I know you know what I mean.

On a brighter note, I haven’t been nearly as crazy or close to a mental breakdown the last few weeks.¬† I finally called Dr. L’s office and told them I was losing it, and he prescribed me a low dose of Zoloft.¬† I was pretty hesitant at first.¬† I’ve never taken anything like that before and I was afraid it would make me a zombie.¬† But so far its done the trick without compromising my personality, and I only have 3 refills so its only a temporary thing.¬† I did some research on it and its prescribed to a lot of women who have severe PMS symptoms {which….HELLO, hormones!}.¬† The girls at work have even mentioned that they’ve noticed a difference in me.

Ok. So back to the follies.¬† So that makes today either Day 16 or Day 14.¬† Depending on how you’re counting it.¬† I haven’t done any OPK’s or temp charting, partly because I didn’t think I’d need to and partly because they just make me crazy.¬† But I did notice I had a little CM today {gross, I know}.¬† So hopefully my little follies are growing and all the Sexy Time we’re about to have isn’t all for nothing!

Just curious… If you’ve done IUI or monitored by ultrasound, what size are your follies usually on day 12 or 14?¬† Just so I have something to compare to.¬† I’m really hoping maybe I just flubbed up my days and we’ll ovulate just fine.¬† But as usual, I’m not getting my hopes up.¬† I’ll know for sure next week if we ovulated when I go in for my bloodwork.

Until then, have a good weekend!¬† You know what I’ll be doing! {Ha!}