Two Pink Lines

 

I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to make this post. I wasn’t entirely sure how to make this post. I’m still having a hard time accepting that its real.

Yesterday morning on April 20, 2013 at around 9:20am I peed on a stick. The results are as follows:

 

mail

 

I was in complete and utter shock. At some point during this whole process you begin to expect the BFN’s, and you never ever ever ever expect to see a BFP. EVER.

The first words out of my mouth were, “Holy motherf%$!#*^ s&#t!” Classy. I know. Then at approximately 9:24am I texted the pic to my husband, since he was at work and there was no way I could sit on this information by myself all friggin’ day. That convo went a little like this:

Me: Guess what?

Hubs: What

Me: {sends pic}

Hubs: 🙂 🙂 🙂

It was fun. And cute. And I hated to do it in a text but there was no way I could be the only one that knew.

We had our small moment of celebration yesterday, then the realness of everything kicked in and we got serious. Hubby admitted he was very nervous and he hoped that nothing bad happened this time. I share his feelings deeply, possibly times 100. Although I’m paranoid, I’m not getting too worked up about anything until my Beta comes back on Tuesday. I should start the blood thinners {because of my clotting disorder that they think caused my last m/c} shortly after the Beta comes back. Until then, I’ve doubled up on my baby aspirin everyday. Probably doesn’t make a difference, but it makes me feel better.

Here’s what I expect to happen in the weeks to come. As far as protocol goes, if my beta comes back positive then we do a repeat of it and my progesterone within the week. At that point if the numbers are good, we will schedule an ultrasound for approximately 7 weeks gestation, which would be at about a month from now, depending on how my RE’s office counts I guess. Any of this could change, depending on my specific circumstances, I suppose.

Until then, I’m pretty sure my husband wants to wrap me in bubble wrap. He’s already mentioned that he doesn’t want me going to a concert that I have tickets to in June. And he wants to cancel this coming weekend’s plans we had to go to a nearby piano bar for his birthday. “Too loud and too much jostling around,” he says.  Haha…should be a fun several months! 😉

Now all I’m going to concentrate on is my beta on Tuesday and hoping the numbers are great 🙂 I’m having a hard time deciding what to do about work. The girls have been asking me for the last week if I am or if I’m not. All I keep saying is we won’t know for a while longer. I guess I could lie and say I’m not. But, due to the nature of my job, I have to tell my supervisor and my nursing supervisor in surgery. I had planned all along to tell only the girls in my department first, and the entire clinic when we were in the “safe zone” {does that really exist for people like us??}. But the question is, how soon should I tell my department?? And I’m not sure if my supervisor is obligated to tell the doctors that I am or not. It’s going to be hard to remember who is supposed to know and who isn’t. For right now I’m sitting on it until I can decide what to do.

Alright then. I’m gonna continue to be cautiously happy and keep trying to convince myself that this is actually real. The beta will help make things seem more solid. Until then…

 

{ps: to my dear friend M, who is the only person from my real life who knows about this blog, remember this is top secret information! 😉 Love you!}

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Only CD23???

Let me tell ya. This whole cycle has been just…weird. It is ridiculous to me that I’m only on CD23. How can that be?? It seems crazy that I could be getting my BFP {or BFN} any day now. Especially since here lately I don’t usually expect AF until CD33-35.  I’m trying to take all this as a good sign. My mature follicles ready on CD12. Actually ovulating like a normal person on CD14 {with the help of a trigger, of course}. I know that all that really matters is how many dpo you are, but its still so strange to me since I don’t even usually start peeing on a stick until CD28 or so and my beta is scheduled on CD27! Just hard to wrap my head around. Hmph.

On another note…

Still cramping. Almost like AF could show up any day now. Which again, throws me off since I wouldn’t normally be expecting her for another 10 days or so. My boobies are still sore. I know there’s no way the trigger is still in my system, and they aren’t near as sore as they were after I first triggered. But still pretty tender. Which is normal to me at this point, except I usually chalk it up to the progesterone. Except this cycle I’m not taking progesterone. Because my numbers were phenomenal. Again. Weirdness.

But we’re not jumping to any conclusions here. There’s probably a logical explanation for all of this. There always is, right? Regardless, I bought a box of 3 First Response today. One for tomorrow, one for Sunday, and one for Monday. I still have some Wondfo’s in there, but I’m not completely sure that I trust them at this point. Hubby asked last night if it was time to take a test yet or not, which surprised me since he’s usually pretty quiet about everything until I let him in on what’s going on. Good to know I’m not the only one thinking and stressing about it this time haha 😉

*sigh* I try really hard, and it may not seem like it, but I can’t help but have a pretty positive outlook on this cycle. It’s always dangerous to think that way. Usually if I have a feeling one way or another it ends up being a big slap in the face. But I can’t help but think that if it was ever going to happen, it has to be now, this cycle. Everything has just been too….perfect.

If anybody needs me I’ll just be over here…waiting for this other shoe to drop.

7dpiui….and counting.

This is going to be a quick post.

I’m 7dpiui today and 9dp trigger. I had some mild cramping yesterday that slipped over into today along with a very full feeling and just plain not feeling too hot this afternoon at work. My progesterone level on Monday was 21, which is actually crazy high tor me, almost twice what it usually is. I’m trying not to read too much into such a beautiful number, but I will say I’m happy that I get to skip the progesterone suppositories…at least for now.

Does any of this mean anything? Who the heck knows. As usual its way too early to tell and my TWW is dragging by so slow it might as well be going backwards.

As you can see I’m still trying to manage my expectations carefully. But I do want to say thank you for all the encouraging IUI stories 🙂

That’s all for now. Goodnight all!

And We Wait…

First, thanks for all the good luck wishes! I really appreciate it 🙂

IUI went well on Wednesday. It was a long looong day. Hubby and I left home at 5:30am and drove through storms for 2 1/2 hours to get to his appointment at 8am. After he made the ‘deposit’ we had to find something to do for an hour and a half before it was time for my appointment. Let me tell ya, I don’t care how big a city it is…there’s not too much to do at 8 in the morning in the middle of a thunderstorm.  We finally made it back to the clinic at 9:30 for my appointment time, at which time we found out we had previously overpaid and had a credit on our account so we had to pay zero dollars for the IUI {what?!}. It wasn’t too long after that until I was taken back to an exam room.

Naked from the waist down and feet in the stirrups and we were soon on our way. The nurse confirmed Hubby’s name and social with that on the syringe full of his little swimmers, and then informed us that he had provided us with a whopping 107 million little guys to inseminate into my uterus. Way to go, hubby! 😉  {I later threatened Hubby, saying that out of 107 million, at least one of them should know what to do, right?!}

I must say, Dr. P is very quick and very good at what he does. I heard him say I’d feel a little cramp, and I kept bracing myself for it, but before I could feel anything at all he was up and patting me on the shoulder telling me he had his fingers crossed for me. How could he be done so fast?! And just like that, the Two Week Wait began.

The egg timer finally went off, I got up and dressed, and we were out the door to head home. I only had some mild cramping the rest of the day, mostly a big pressure feeling in my uterus area. We stopped to eat and swung by the grocery store on the way home. We finally made it home at 2:30pm. By 2:35 I was asleep on the couch. I was exhausted!

So, here’s what we know:

-I had 2 very large fully grown mature follicles on my right ovary.

-107 million sperm now occupy my uterus.

I’m not exactly sure where that puts my odds of conceiving this cycle, but I’m choosing to be cautiously optimistic while majorly keeping a reality check on my expectations. Truth is, I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard of an IUI success story. I’m sure it happens, but I’m usually reading about the ones that didn’t.

Oh, well. No use dwelling on it. We’ll all know in eleven days one way or another. 🙂

You Want Me To Put That WHERE?

CD28 and {approximately} 10dpo. Stay tuned, because this post will be covering hard hitting topics like vaginal suppositories and imaginary symptoms! Alright, here we go!

We all have them. And we all drive ourselves crazy trying to decipher them like a crazy kid who’s lost his secret decoder ring. I call them IMAGINARY, because let’s face it, it’s way too early for it to actually be pregnancy symptoms. You would think that with all the knowledge we’ve acquired while TTC we’d be able to logically look at the calendar and realize that we’re crazy and that there is absolutely no way that we could possibly be pregnant at 2dpo. But who cares about logic?! My boobs hurt so I MUST be pregnant! 😉 So here’s a rundown of my imaginary symptoms this cycle so far:

1. Sore Boobies. I triggered on CD16 at 8:00pm. The sore boobs {mostly nipples} started up about 4 days after that, around CD20. I tried to chalk it up to the trigger. But then the Crazy in me was like, why would it take four days for the trigger to affect you? If it was going to give you sore boobies, it probably would’ve happened right away. Logic is stupid. {Note: On Thursday {CD26} I had a very sharp shooting pain in my left boob. It was weird, but worth noting.}

2. Fatigue/Exhaustion. This really started on about CD18 and hasn’t let up. There was literally one afternoon at work that I was so exhausted I almost felt like I had the flu {but didn’t, thank goodness!}. Now, it has been a pretty rough couple of weeks at work. We’ve been really busy, and there was a day that I spent 9 hours straight in surgery with no break. So understandably I’d be tired. But the Crazy in me is like, you’re tired because you’re growing another human being you idiot! Who cares if its 2dpo, you should take a test! 

3. Nausea/Queasiness. This has been happening off and on since late last week, between CD20-21. It doesn’t last long. It just hits me all of a sudden. Then ten minutes later I’m starving and stuffing my face {not good for the diet, by the way…but I’ve lost 14lbs so far!}. Again, I try to chalk it up to all the hormones I’ve been pumping myself full of, but you know what the Crazy person has to say about it.

4. Vivid Dreams. This has happened more nights that not in the past two weeks. I had one dream last Sunday {CD22} during a 3 hour afternoon nap {see Number 2} that I actually thought it had happened when I woke up. I have no logical explanation for this. So Crazy is like, Boom! You’re pregnant.

5. Headaches. Everyday this week, starting at CD23. Crazy: It’s probably not work or stress. You know you’re pregnant.

6. Cramping.  Period-like cramps/bloaty feeling since the weekend/beginning of this week {CD22-23ish). Probably my period coming, I’d like to believe. But…

Most all of these symptoms started late last week/weekend. On Monday I had my bloodwork done to check my progesterone. It was 11. My doc likes for it to be 15 or higher. So on Tuesday {CD24} I went to the pharmacy to pick up the new addition to my medicine regime. Progesterone Suppositories. Aren’t those just a big barrel of fun?! {Note: I should’ve actually started these on Monday, but the lab didn’t fax my results same day like they were supposed to, so H didn’t get my results in time to send in my script. This crazy hormone filled lady called said lab and gave some poor soul an earful that I can promise you they will never forget.}

Since starting these little gem suppositories {100mg, twice a day}, all the symptoms I’ve been having seem to be amplified. I am trying SO HARD not to read too much into it, but geez. So I broke down and peed on a frickin’ stick yesterday. It was a First Response. Only 1 pink line. White as snow. BFN.

Now, I’m trying hard to not be discouraged. And I’m also trying hard not to get my hopes up. Those are two very difficult things to do simultaneously. Technically I was only 9dpo yesterday. {I triggered CD16 at 8:00pm. Should have ovulated between 24-36 hours later, either late on CD17 or on CD18. So I’m counting CD18 as O day. I didn’t do OPK’s, so I have to go with my best guess.}  I’ve read that a lot of women don’t get their BFP until 12-14dpo. So I’m trying not to sweat about it yet. I’d like to just enjoy my weekend and not even test again until my Beta on Tuesday {CD31, 13dpo}.

But we all know that will  never happen. So for now, I’m going to take it one day at a time. I’m not testing today. Period. What I am going to do is get dressed and leave this house because I have a hair appointment in an hour and a half, and I’m stoked {my hair needs help…badly!}.

Have a great weekend! Wish me luck on not compulsively testing! 😉

Follistim, Party of One

CD19, folks! It’s been a bit since I updated, and a lot has happened the last 19 days! Let me break it down for you.

 

1. Provera was hateful to me and Letrozole was kind. Had a baseline ultrasound done on CD3. My Cycle Coordinator, H, has been wonderful in working with me and having some labs and other stuff done here locally so I don’t have to take off work as much. I got to go to Dr. L’s office for the baseline ultrasound and the girls there were ecstatic to see me. The ultrasound tech even used me as a teaching device that day, since my ovaries have a perfect string of pearls. I’m pretty much textbook, folks.

2. I began my very first cycle of Follistim. We started out with 75 units on CD’s 8-10. On CD11 Hubby and I made the 2 hour drive to have my midcycle ultrasound and labs done. It was uneventful. No mature follicles to be seen. So I was instructed to continue the Follistim 75units a day for the next 5 days. Then on CD16 we would return for another ultrasound to check things out.

3. I’ve become a pro at jabbing myself with a needle! Hooray! At first it was a little tough. I mean, it didn’t hurt, and I knew it wouldn’t hurt. But it’s like my brain wouldn’t tell my hand to give myself the shot! Crazy. But eventually I got the hang of it and I’ve been shooting myself up like a mad man.

4. Back to the clinic 2 hours away for our 2nd ultrasound on CD16. We got some good news. Actually, great news! There it was, on the screen. The most beautiful big black blob I’d ever seen. One mature follicle measuring 19mm. Bigger than Dallas right there on the screen. When she told me I closed my eyes and asked which ovary it was on. Luckily, it was on the RIGHT ovary! The left had a few little ones that weren’t mature yet. And the right only had that one. But oh my gosh, it was amazing. And it only takes one, right? I was pretty much giddy the whole way home. It’s just an amazing feeling to finally get some good news! After the last several cycles of my follies only growing to 12mm and then stopping, this is fantastic. I love Follistim. LOVE IT.

5. So we triggered that night at 8:00. Sexy time like crazy the last 2 nights {and probably tonight, just to be sure!}. Yesterday I was having bad period-like cramps most of the day, with some twinging of my ovary. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad sign.

 

So there you have it. Starting out the TWW with pretty high spirits. I’m always very careful not to get my hopes up, but it’s just so hard this time around. I don’t want to jinx it…but I’ve just got this feeling…. Fingers crossed!!!

 

 

The Two Week Wait

…is longer than two weeks.  I’m convinced.

Today I am 6 days past IUI {done on Friday, July 20}.  It’s entirely too early to even be wondering if I’m pregnant yet or not.  Everyone has been shocked that I have to wait “so long” to find out.  But it’s like I told them, it’s the same as if we got knocked up the old fashioned way!

So every little blip or cramp or pinch I feel in my uterus or ovaries has my mind going 90 miles an hour wondering what the heck it all means.  When I got pregnant last year, I had menstual-like cramps the entire week before I tested.  I thought I was about to start my period.  But apparently, cramping is also a sign of early pregnancy.  As well as breast tenderness.  Which also happens to be a sign that you’re about to start your period.  Get where I’m going with this?  I mean, seriously.  This has got to be some big cosmic joke!

I bought a box of 3 pregnancy tests yesterday.  You know, in preparation for when I do test.  I refuse to test any sooner than 10 days past IUI, which, if we’re being honest, is still probably way too soon.  It’s weird to have everything riding on a friggin’ stick that gets peed on.

So I think I may post about the entire IUI process and experience this weekend.  So keep an eye out for that.  I may be doing this whole thing backwards, but I’ve never blogged before, so…eh, whatever.